Choices

Do you ever sit back and reflect on the choices you have made and how they changed the course of events? I've been thinking a lot about the choices I have made - some good, a lot of bad. I always had reasons at the time. My path to get me here today was filled with some of the toughest choices I have ever had to make. Reflecting on them now, they were the right choices. To get back on that plane - I made a huge choice that day, not just to get back on the plane but I chose a direction in life. It wasn't so obvious to me at the time, but I was consciously moving away from one life and towards another although there was no way of me knowing at that moment. Although my anxiety about the trip was certainly a sign.

I mean I JUST met this guy, I knew absolutely nothing about him other than he was French, had recently moved to St. Barth, was a SCUBA instructor and had a son. Just the basics. But I knew there was more to know and without getting on that plane I would never know. So that was the first major choice I made that brought me here, to my new life. There is more to this choice and maybe I will cover it in another blog. Suffice to say there was sort of someone else but there was just something not right with that situation. That said, it was through the conversations with that person that I did realize that maybe, just maybe I didn't need to stay in NYC and continue on the path I was currently on, career-wise. So for that, and many other reasons, that person holds an important place in my memory. 

Changing career direction for me happened slower. First I had some long heart to hearts with myself about what I really wanted and in every conversation it was a family of my own. That ultimately was going to be more important than career. So then I had those conversations at work - and when I finally realized I needed more than working 16 hour days and working on every vacation I had ever taken. I needed a break, so I quit my job. At the time I told myself I would go after a big job because that's what I wanted. But the more I talked to companies and people the more I realized I wanted to use my skills but I wanted it on my terms. 

Oddly, there as many people that have congratulated me on the career choices as the personal ones. That made me realize how inter-dependent they were. I am certain that if I had not gotten back on that plane, while I most likely would not be at my old company, I would be somewhere else and would have missed out on the best year of my life.