Monday, August 27, 2012

Do You Feel Different?

The last 10 days or so have been surreal. The time with our family and friends and the actual wedding celebration were amazing and there is nothing I would change. Well almost nothing. I was asked a few times the night of the wedding if I felt different, and immediately I didn't. I mean yes, for a few days I received more attention that I probably ever had in my lifetime but other than that I didn't immediately feel different.

However, when friends and family left and it was "back to normal" how I felt was anything but, I did start to feel different, we feel different.  In a good way - we were suddenly stronger, a unit not two individuals. There are little things that I have noticed have changed in each of us, on how we are towards each other, how we deal when we are frustrated, and how we are connecting on a day to day basis. It's something I didn't quite expect, no one had ever shared that they felt different after the wedding. Suddenly, I have a new number 1 priority and it's our marriage and everything that comes with that and it feel GOOD.

As someone who wasn't exactly a winner in the relationship department, I was really surprised how different I felt.  But what is the most surprising thing is that we are both feeling it. Closer, stronger, tighter - we knew we were in love but this feeling of being a singular unit is something I don't think either of us were expecting.
If I have one regret, it's not taking more time for us immediately after the wedding so we could enjoy this new feeling together a little bit more. I now know why people take honeymoon's right away - to get to know this new couple. Newlywed couples should have a little time alone to enjoy each other and to unwind from the stress and excitement of getting ready for a wedding. Whether you realize it or not, the relationship is now different - and it's important to enjoy that fact.

Then there are the other more obvious ways of feeling different - I have new last name, a new address, and we have new plans that 18 months ago neither of us probably would have ever thought possible. So yes, I feel very different and its a very good different. I now have a permanent rock to stand by - for as long as we both shall live - and it's the most wonderful feeling in the world.




Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Absolute Perfection

All I can say after the last few days is perfection. We worked so very hard to get here from the very beginning and when all is said and done our wedding was more than I could have dreamed for. After all the fights with the paperwork and the many weeks apart that felt like years I am finally Madame Morvan and one of the most blessed people on earth.

The weekend kicked off with the arrival of my friends & family on Thursday. When their boat pulled up I think I flew into it - and I am not so good at hopping on boats. After lots of hugging laughing and screeching we all had a wonderful dinner at the place we met. This was the first time many of these people met and it was fun to see the new interactions. One thing is for sure - we have surrounded ourselves with a lot of amazing people. The speeches were all very touching and we are still overwhelmed.

The wedding day started pretty typical - primping with my girls present then a little champagne as we put the final touches together. Seeing my dad see me in my dress was something I won't forget - you know that commercial where the dad is giving the keys to his teenage daughter but all he sees is a little girl - that was the look and it was touching.  I was definitely missing a few people but between my accessories, shoes, and flowers they were there and close to my heart.

I was freakishly calm though. I mean I waited for this day for 40 years - but I was still really calm inside. One of my favorite moments came early though - when my dad and i turned the corner and into the room and I saw Didier's emotions on his face - that's the second image I have. The ceremony was beautiful in both French and English - I think even the officer who helped with our paperwork was a little moved by it all.

We then toasted on Shell Beach - which is where I fell in love with him the second time I came to St Barth. Followed by the perfect party at a villa my family rented for the weekend. The party was something truly special. It was small and intimate but still a BLAST! People from all parts of our lives were there and everyone mingled and got along extremely well. It ended with everyone in the pool - kicked off by my new stepson and another friend of ours.

There are many many pictures and memories that we will cherish forever. I need to take a moment to thank everyone who supported us especially my parents who have been going above and beyond to make this day special, to my new family that flew from France, to everyone that came from NY, our friends here is St Barth and most of all to my HUSBAND who gave me the greatest gift I could have asked for - his heart. Je t'aime.




Wednesday, August 15, 2012

What Was I Thinking?

This is something that keeps going through my mind. Not about getting married but not making sure I had at least one of my "peeps" here. One of the things I suck at the most is asking for help. A word to any friends planning to get married far from where your close friends and family live - make sure you have a few people there in the approaching days to help - and I am not talking about just the groom. There are so many things I didn't think about when planning this - the biggest was my ability to completely lose my mind at a moments notice and that I might need a little support. By the way - it's not like I didn't have offers, I did, this is 1000% my fault I was under the delusion that because everything was essentially done, I didn't need real help. I didn't think about needing girl support.

I am still very new to this island and my French, well let's just say I'm not having a ton of success there, YET. There are several things that I need to take care of that are not things i want my fiance to help with. Like the right place to get my hair done or where to get a mani & pedi stuff and of course to join me on some shopping (he really hates shopping). An example where this almost all bit me in the butt is the hair appointment. The lovely woman at shop understood my broken French to say 2pm and I meant 12pm for the appointment, it got resolved but I still had a mini mental breakdown over it and having one of my friends here present to remind me that it's not a big deal in person would have made it easier. But fear not, my hair will be properly tamed thanks to some very understanding woman who agreed to give me her appointment so I wouldn't scare my future husband away on our wedding day.

Then there is my current living situation. First let me be clear - I love all of these guys. But a bride needs some girls around her in her final hours of singleton and right now it's me and four guys. They are doing their best to understand my wacky ways and pretty sure they realize that look on my face is related to stress. But let's face it one women and four men - yeah, i could have really used some girl-power. They are helping with the things they can - music, food, general errands (definitely going to take advantage of their offers). But I definitely feel a huge void of not having a girlfriend here to talk to, to reassure me that it will be fine, To go get the mani/pedi with or help me with actual shopping - it's just different having your girls around and I am an IDIOT for not having them here.

There is a happy ending here - my girls arrive tomorrow along with my family - even though I initially told them to save the money and just celebrate in NY. Thank Goodness they are all smarter than I am because I would have really regretted NOT having them here in a very very big way. Yep, I know I'M A BIG FAT DUMMY (i think we have that well established).

The first thing I am going to do when everyone gets off that boat tomorrow is give them each the biggest hug I ever have because they are here when I actually will REALLY need them and because they are always there when I need them - even if I act like a dummy from time to time.




Monday, August 13, 2012

Are You Nervous?

That seems to be the number one question I have been asked over the last few weeks. I keep saying "no" because I'm not nervous about marrying Didier - I know how much we love each other and how committed we both are to this relationship. We have had all the "hard" talks, we have the blessings of our families. So no, I am not nervous about marrying him. As far as the life-change well hey, life can't change for me much more than it already has - so no, not nervous about that either - already had that breakdown, survived, next. We know it's not going to be easy - but getting here wasn't easy and we did it. So no I am not nervous about getting married.

I AM nervous though. I'm worried about everything else and it's frustrating. At the end of the day the most important thing is that we get married and the other stuff shouldn't matter, but it does. We have family and friends here that have gone through great lengths to celebrate with us and we want them to enjoy themselves. I'm nervous how this motley crew will all get along. I'm nervous that things will go wrong. Our roommate was teasing me yesterday by playing "Under Pressure" as a tribute to the final countdown - while I pretended to not be amused I was. Because i realized that no matter what, things can go wrong and I need to just let go.

Now having been in many weddings over the years, I know that something always goes wrong and the best thing to do is let it go. We had our first major wrinkle thrown at us on Friday - you guessed it, it's related to paperwork... yep, without getting into details, we had to make alternate transportation for 7 family and friends to get here. Ok, no big deal, a couple of  calls and a little cash and its done. It's not a surprise that it has to do with paperwork - nope not even a tiny little bit.

But now I am nervous that since that was so easily fixable something else will go wrong. My biggest fear is flight cancellations and weather. But again nothing I can do - but maybe say a little prayer, keep the fingers and toes crossed and hope that it goes well. I'm also nervous about some of the other details. Did we get everything done? Did we miss something important?

At this point all I can do is sit and wait and hope. So am I nervous yes. But not the way most people think. I'm nervous about the stuff that won't matter 10 years from now - heck I know some brides that have great stories because of things that went wrong - fires, rainstorms, dresses falling apart.....stuff like that can happen and there is nothing I can do about it. So as long as we get married and we have some family and friends to celebrate with, then my nerves were unnecessary but unavoidable.








Thursday, August 9, 2012

It's the Little Things

It's always been the little things for me. I never really cared much for the grand gesture - they seem so forced and not so genuine. I have personally never been impressed with big gestures like sending flowers or giving me fancy gifts - that stuff is all material. Now don't get me wrong - thoughtful gifts and flowers on occasion or for no reason are much appreciated -but isn't showing someone how you feel by something thoughtful better? It takes a lot more effort to be thoughtful than it does to just go buy something.

How did you get ESPN? My fiance asked someone this the one day and to me it was one of the sweetest things he could have done. He's been reading the blog and we talk a lot and he knows that this change is huge for me. So by asking that question he was trying to get me something he knows I really miss. You always here people say don't sweat the small stuff, but what about appreciating the small stuff? When was the last time you thanked someone for doing something small but incredibly thoughtful?

Think about it, its the small stuff that makes up everyday life - and if you aren't doing and appreciating them now, you probably won't later. It's incredibly important not only to do the little thing but to say thank you for them. I have never been good at relationships - I picked the wrong guys or got bored very quickly. This one is different for more reasons than I can list here. The biggest difference though is the little things he does that show me he loves me.

Now as we approach the "big day" with all the craziness and everything we have to do - family coming in, finalizing details oh and of course we are both extremely busy with work it's hard and seemed to be taking its toll. We hadn't had any time alone, I hadn't been feeling well and neither of us had been sleeping.  So last night, we went out to eat just the two of us. It was alone time I desperately needed with him - to have a relaxing conversation about what had to yet be done and to just spend some time where the only thing we had to focus on was each other. And I was reminded again of the many many reason I feel so lucky to have him in my life.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Cooperating Instead of Competing

One thing I am living more and more each day is that people are nicer here. I don't mean more polite, I mean nicer in every aspect of life. I'm not sure what it is exactly, but everyone seems to always want to help each other here - not just in moments of crisis but all the time. That doesn't just mean helping a woman with groceries or be considerate of your neighbors. It means actually sacrificing something for someone else, even their competition.

Let me explain....my fiance is bringing a partner in who happens to be his closest friend and our roommate, David. David worked previously for the largest dive center on the island and from what I can gather is very very good at his job. But it's competitive, there are only so many people that want to dive and there are actually quite a few options on the Island so every client counts. It's pretty obvious David's previous shop has had some difficulty since he left and there was a void. When David got back from his vacation he was set to start working with La Bulle and the timing was really perfect because we need the extra body in August since we are getting married in just a few weeks.

What happened next is what is surprising to me - David's old boss was in a bad situation he had no help and his boat needs two people on it so he asked if David could stay on for a few more weeks. At the same time, his boss is going on his own vacation and is forwarding all inquiries directly to David and Didier while he's gone. Now David's old boss has to know there are clients that will follow David anyway but there seems to be absolutely no ill will there, NONE. When they were explaining this all to me I was very confused - it didn't make any sense, yet.

For my friends in the digital space - it would be akin to Google asking permission for Marissa Mayer to stay on a few more weeks so they could transition and then send some business Yahoo's way once she heads over there because they just couldn't handle it. Ok, that's a little extreme but you get my point.

For anyone in sales - it's tough out there and it's our job to kill, bury, obliterate, destroy etc... the "competition."  That's what you are taught and that's the language that gets thrown around. The funny thing is we know that someday that competitor we trashed may end up owning us or worse - we'll go work for them and have to answer the question from a client "but you said they couldn't do that or?". Here the philosophy seems very different - you help the competition because you really don't want anything bad to happen to anyone - it becomes personal. See my point? It's different but it certainly doesn't suck. In this situation, the competitors are working together to reach a solution that works for everyone. In the end both companies will benefit from this and probably be in better shape.

This isn't the only place I have seen it - I have been sent to different shops when I couldn't find what I was looking for and even had a hotel recommend I use a villa company instead of them for my family when they are coming in a few weeks. I tell you this story because it's part of me learning how to live here. I need to check my thinking at the door (or in the case at the port). It's a more civilized and frankly better way of being. Look, I am a competitive person by nature or I would not have chosen sales for a profession, but there is a lot to be said about stepping in an helping someone when they need it. You never know when you will as well. And I don't just mean carrying the groceries.