Monday, May 28, 2012

New Traditions

We all have traditions - Growing up Italian one of our regular traditions has been Sunday dinners. Over the last 15 years or so, I have spent most Sundays at my parents house. My brothers my cousin and I would head to my parents on Sunday mornings and spend the day with my parents. Some times there were other people, but it was usually just the family.

It was comfortable, and as most of you reading this will probably agree although may not admit out loud, there is no place quite as comfortable as your parents home. Especially when you parents have lived in the same house for your entire life. So for the last 780 Sundays (give or take a few) I left the city and headed into Jersey for Sunday dinner. The food was usually the same mixed variety depending on time of year, who was coming, and frankly - what we asked for. There was almost always fresh mozzarella, foccacia, pasta, olives, Italian cold cuts, and wine - yes wine counts as food. There was almost always a fight or two, lots and lots of teasing, and again depending on the time of year Giants or Yankees on the TV - because the Shalhoub family, yeah we love our NY sports.

Well I am now just a little far to head home for Sunday dinners andchances of me finding decent fresh mozzarella on this Island is slim to none and French television doesn't care about the Giants or Yankees but thankfully as much as things change, they stay the same. While I no longer leave the city to head to the burbs, we do have a group that we dive with on Sundays. Usually the same group of guys with the occasional tourist or more likely crew from one of the boats.

The day goes something like this: we meet at 10, everyone gets their gear together and we head off to one of the dive sites and down we go. Then after we return, the gear gets put away and everyone enjoys a post dive drink - Ricard avec l'eau (this is a type of Pastis served with cold water). After the gear is put away a smaller group heads out to lunch on the other side of the island. There is still some teasing among the group, rarely is there a fight - but this group isn't my family and no group of people can have an argument the way family can. There isn't nearly as much food either but there is still wine (for me anyway). After lunch, Didier and I do something just us - a walk on the beach, a swim, or just hang out.

 So while I definitely miss my family, watching sports, and the fresh mozzarella (mom please have some for me when i get back) we are making new traditions, and I guess that's just another part of this process.




Saturday, May 26, 2012

The Wedding Process

I think I have said "its a process" about a zillion times in my life - because EVERYTHING is a process. Well getting married and planing to move to St Barth is also a process - a really big one. As Americans we have been accustomed to instant gratification. The French - they are a country of leisure and process. There is a process for EVERYTHING and if you aren't French the process becomes even more complicated.

Even before we officially got engaged we had been talking about our wedding, where it would be and how it would work. Once we got engaged we quickly learned that it wasn't going to be quite so simple. Due to lots of reasons we are now having 3 separate events - but before any of them we need to follow the legal process. This included 3 trips for me to lawyers, one to a translator and then one to the French Consulate in NYC. You see, the French have funny rules around recognizing a marriage, and if our marriage didn't happen in a French court (all French marriages are civil in nature there is no legal  recognition of a religious ceremony) our marriage would not be recognized here. So we are having a civil ceremony in St Barth. It took me about a month to get all the documents in order and have them translated by a Consulate approved translator and lawyer.

While I was working on that we had to plan the actual events. This meant coordinating our families travel schedules - this was no small feet and almost got to the point of the ridiculous - turns out August 17th was the only date that worked for everyone - so that's how that happened. Then the accommodations and details for ST Barth - not easy since I pointed out yesterday - je n parler pas bien Francais. But we are getting there.

My biggest shock came two days ago. Now to preface, I have been a bridsmaid too many times and have helped lots and lots of friends get married - never once did I experience the groom wanting to be involved. So two nights ago we were walking home and my fiance announces he wanted to be more involved and help. I may have stopped dead in my tracks, if i didn't physically i did mentally. He thought it would be good if we had a schedule of events and figured out who we were inviting to what, as well as a few other suggestions. This from the man who really didn't seem that interested in doing anything too formal less than a month ago. 

So now I have my fiance wanting to help - this is GREAT! We even made some progress in buying his suit, discussed catering options here, and worked on a list. There is still soooo much to do, but am glad I have a partner who wants a say. That said, when I mentioned the florist yesterday, I was reminded that I knew where it was and that was really something I could handle.

Well I'll take the small victories. 

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Learning French


Aghhhhh!!!!! That's the best way to put my level of frustration with myself and my inability to contribute to conversations yet when they are in French. For those of you unaware, St. Barth's is French so it's the first language spoken pretty much every where we go. My ability to parler Fraincais ne c'est pas bien. Basically, I stink. And it's this inability to speak French that is really the most isolating thing for me right now.

It's frustrating because its what is being spoken in our circle of friends, ok HIS friends. Most are beyond generous and speak to me in English but i WANT to be able to speak French and its far more natural for them to speak French. For those of you who know me well know that when I want to learn something or do something, I can generally do. But this French thing is taking a lot longer than I thought and I am getting frustrated. I took 2 years in High School and another 2 semesters in college but apparently that all left me a long long time ago.

What's amazing is that I do understand what is being said. And I can read it and even write it if pressed. But the ability to speak it, in real-time - not a chance. So basically what happens is I sit and I listen, A LOT of listening. I can almost always get the basic context and respond with short statements from time to time, but I can't contribute or state my point of view. This for me is very difficult.  It's so hard to describe the feeling - it's almost like being completely aware of everything around you but not being able to react. It's extremely isolating and can have me feeling very alone when I am surrounded by a group of people. It's definitely one of the hardest parts of being here. I don't think I have been this silent so often ever.

Now it's not all bad. I am able to communicate a little bit. I can read menus in French, I am comfortable going shopping for basics. Basically, when I don't have my crutch I can get by. But I still can't participate in conversations. So today I am setting a personal goal for myself, by the time we say "oui" on August 17th, I will at least be able to answer in full sentences when people are speaking around me. Au revoir!



Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Do You Scuba?

If I have heard it once, I have heard it no less than a few hundred times since last April. That Hank Azaria line from Along Met Polly "Do you like the SCUBA". Well of COURSE people are going to say it and have fun with it - you should. I met my fiance on a beach in St Barth and he's a SCUBA diver. Thankfully, he also has a sense of humor and had played along with the joke once or twice. If you haven't seen the movie - see it.

Now, on to SCUBA. Let me be clear about something - my fiance and I are VERY different people, it's probably why it works. He thinks the idea of crossing the Atlantic in a sailboat is thrilling and has done it a few times, me, not so much. I loved living in NYC and well, given the opportunity, he will tell you exactly what he thinks about big cities. I think a big key for us was finding things about the other that made us curious or want to try something so we could share something special - for us I think it's SCUBA.

I am not what one would call a risk taker. I don't like fast cars, heights, and not a big fan of being alone in the dark. SCUBA for me was something completely different though, I have always loved the water and always wanted to try, but like so many other things over the years I never could find the time. Well enter a 35 year SCUBA vet - it was love diving or there probably wasn't going to be much of a future for us. The first few dives were done with mixed results - I got scared for the first submerge, and then there were mask issues (i have a FREAKISHLY small head). Also, you can't really talk once you are under there so it took me a while to figure certain things out. But once under that water - I was amazed.

What lives in our oceans is amazing and to be able to float along-side turtles, sharks, sting rays, and barracuda was something I became instantly addicted to. You see for about an hour - you are totally silent with yourself and the ocean. Just the sound of the breathing through the regulator and the occasional ocean noises, but otherwise, silence. You never really know what you are going to see and that's what is so very cool about it. It's how I feel about this adventure - I'm not really sure what's going to happen next, but I can't wait  to find out.

So my point is - you don't have to love all the same things - that would be pretty boring. But you need to find something you both can love. Obviously, we have other things in common - but I think it really was about the SCUBA in the end.

Now, if I could only get him to eat his veggies :)








Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Choices

Do you ever sit back and reflect on the choices you have made and how they changed the course of events? I've been thinking a lot about the choices I have made - some good, a lot of bad. I always had reasons at the time. My path to get me here today was filled with some of the toughest choices I have ever had to make. Reflecting on them now, they were the right choices. To get back on that plane - I made a huge choice that day, not just to get back on the plane but I chose a direction in life. It wasn't so obvious to me at the time, but I was consciously moving away from one life and towards another although there was no way of me knowing at that moment. Although my anxiety about the trip was certainly a sign.

I mean I JUST met this guy, I knew absolutely nothing about him other than he was French, had recently moved to St. Barth, was a SCUBA instructor and had a son. Just the basics. But I knew there was more to know and without getting on that plane I would never know. So that was the first major choice I made that brought me here, to my new life. There is more to this choice and maybe I will cover it in another blog. Suffice to say there was sort of someone else but there was just something not right with that situation. That said, it was through the conversations with that person that I did realize that maybe, just maybe I didn't need to stay in NYC and continue on the path I was currently on, career-wise. So for that, and many other reasons, that person holds an important place in my memory. 

Changing career direction for me happened slower. First I had some long heart to hearts with myself about what I really wanted and in every conversation it was a family of my own. That ultimately was going to be more important than career. So then I had those conversations at work - and when I finally realized I needed more than working 16 hour days and working on every vacation I had ever taken. I needed a break, so I quit my job. At the time I told myself I would go after a big job because that's what I wanted. But the more I talked to companies and people the more I realized I wanted to use my skills but I wanted it on my terms. 

Oddly, there as many people that have congratulated me on the career choices as the personal ones. That made me realize how inter-dependent they were. I am certain that if I had not gotten back on that plane, while I most likely would not be at my old company, I would be somewhere else and would have missed out on the best year of my life.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Dare to Dream

So I arrived in St. Barth on Friday and the only yacht parked in the harbor is called ""Dare to Dream." I found this particularly appropriate since my life feels pretty dreamy right now. I'm planning a wedding (or two), working with a few clients and am sitting on the terrace over-looking Gustavia Harbor with a nice breeze going. This is after a day of diving, a leisurely lunch on the other side of the Island, and a nice walk along the beach. Yep, pretty dreamy. But lots of things happened just right to get us to the end result.

My trip to St Barth's was specifically to blow off some steam. I had just completed a grueling 3 weeks on the road which actually pushed my daily hours up even more. There was little time for sleep - just get from meeting to meeting, conference to conference and try and take care of your team back home. I was ready for a break. On the second to last night of this trip, I'm walking back to our hotel along the beach after a particularly silly day and get to the beach bar at our hotel. The exact order of events are foggy but suffice it to say, I picked up my now fiance at a bar. The next two nights we spent together and i ALMOST extended my trip - but there were issues back at the office so home I went. We talked quite a bit and I did the thing that all people do when they get away from their daily lives and said - out loud "I would love to just move to an island." Yeah it's always been a dream for me - but not one that would ever get fulfilled. When I left, we did the polite promise to keep in touch and I really thought I was heading back to work.

After i got back to NY from my trip a quickly made plans to come back. I wish I could put my finger on it - but I KNEW I had to come back and spend some more time with this guy. There was something about him. So on the morning I was heading back I boarded a plane and we took off. About  4 minutes into the flight I feel the plane make  sharp turn and the pilot comes over the loud-speaker "Ladies & Gentleman, there is no reason to panic...the smell of smoke in the cabin, return to Newark." Right....no reason to panic - the engine's on fire. Ok - we land apparently the 1/2 dozen fire trucks that were there to meet us said we were good an back to the gate we went. At this point I called a friend or two who knew where I was headed and thought for sure it was a sign that I should run out of the airport and hop in a cab back to the city - there was no way I was...and then I was called to the counter for my upgrade....

So that's how I ended up coming back and why I can sit on this terrace with the island breeze and type this blog.


Thursday, May 17, 2012

Moving Day

For those of you that have known me for more than a year, the decisions I have made over the last 14 months have probably came as a big surprise.  For the last 15 years, my main focus was career, and I was pretty darn good at it. I have had some pretty big jobs at some amazing companies and learned every day. I was on-track to continue along this path. That all changed in April 2011, I went on vacation to St. Barth's with some girlfriends and met the man I will soon marry and I couldn't be happier about it. The proposal of course, also means I will be making some pretty significant changes.

Let's face it, I'm a city girl. I LOVE New York, it's been my home for 15 years, I have met some of the most amazing people and am fortunate to have the absolute greatest group of friends that anyone could ask for. I have an amazing apartment on the UWS with views of the river and love sharing it with my dog. While my love for this city and my family and friends is not changing, my relationship with it is.

Today the moving trucks are coming and I can help but sit here feeling sad. You see, I am leaving this great city to move to St. Barth to start my new life - one that will be very different from the one I have been living. Don't worry, I'm not looking for sympathy here - I mean who hasn't fantasized about leaving the rat race and going to live on a tropical island? But at the same time, this is a big transition. One that will no doubt have me living a more relaxing and what is probably a healthier lifestyle. But it won't be NYC and the people that have been a part of my daily life for the last 15 years won't be there, so I'm terrified. There are all these questions - will I adjust? will I make friends? what will me daily life be like? will my friends and family really come visit? and many many more.

One thing that has really amazed me is how many people, even those I don't know as well, reach out and say they are happy for me or that they somehow feel inspired by my story. Which brings me to why I have decided to start this blog, and why I started it today, on the day the trucks will arrive and most of my belongings will be packed and put into a storage unit not to be seen for several years, probably. For those of you that have given up on finding love, for those of you that have ever asked yourself if you were really happy, for those of you that are wondering that if you leave your job will you survive. So bit by bit, I'll tell you how I got here and let you follow me through the wedding planning, the full-time transition to another country and follow me on what I am sure will be an interesting ride.