Thursday, December 20, 2012

Tis the Season

Like everything else here, time of year very different from what I am used to "back home." I have actually been waiting for the next two weeks here for a very a long time because from what I hear it's something to see and experience. I have to admit, it's been very hard for me to get into the "Holiday Spirit" this year. Maybe it's the 80 degree temperatures or the lack of constant Christmas music or the barrage of Christmas ads on TV. But it definitely feels like there is something in the air. It's not exactly a Christmas spirit but it's no less alive and very very obvious.

Here the words "The Season" while its very related to Christmas & New Years on the calendar means something completely different. When the rest of the world is celebrating the end of the year, here it's essentially the beginning. The big boats started to arrive a couple of weeks ago but as of this morning, the harbor is almost full. The world largest yacht The Eclipse is here and you hear more English and Russian being spoken than French. "The Season" has officially started - which means this is the St Barth you read about.

It's been amazing to watch the slow transformation from small local community to an island filled with tourists. Most of these tourists aren't your typical tourist, this isn't their first holiday in St Barth and they like to make it clear that they know the Island. When I arrived in early November it was quiet - really really quiet. Not even all the folks that live here had returned from the mass exodus that happens in September & October - the height of hurricane season here. There was Thanksgiving week where we got a sneak peak at what was about to happen, but I can already see it doesn't compare to the next two weeks. Where everything is elevated - there is a "buzz" in the air.

The staffs at restaurants and hotels are increased and the level of service is raised everywhere. I have been watching my husband and his business partner slowly gearing up waiting for what's about to happen. They are already getting the private dives - and have more than one booking a day and the emails and calls are coming in at a quicker pace. For me this is fun to witness as it's the opposite of what I am used to. I'm used to coasting through these two weeks, doing a little work but really catching up on the news and some good books. This year though I am looking forward to making myself useful, if possible, with their business. Whether it's to help them get ready for large groups, answer some emails or just be an extra pair of hands when possible. I will work this holiday season in one way shape or form if I can.

But what's happen around the island, well, it really is something to see. The wealthiest of the wealthy will be here - forget the 1% this is the .001%. To give you context - I said something about Romney and his yacht the other day and the comment I got back was "He's not SO wealthy." Yep, a world where one of the symbols of wealth isn't considered wealthy - that kind of wealth. There are some of the yachts in the harbor cost more than $500 m to build - and they only represent one of the owners toys.  Of course not everyone that comes is on a yacht - most rent villas or stay in hotels. But they are still spend a pretty penny to be here these two weeks and it becomes a bit of a playground.

It's such a contrast to my holidays back home. I miss the holiday parties and will certainly miss Christmas Eve at my parents. I won't however miss New Year's Eve in NYC - never was a fan. It's very different, not bad just different. I don't have a Christmas Tree and all my decorations are in a storage unit. And while I used to dream of a "White Christmas" well the white sand beaches are a perfectly acceptable substitute. I am however looking forward to living it as a local, that's what I am now and I think I am finally feeling like one!

Happy Holidays all!!!!!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

You Can't Always Get What You Want

But you get what you need. One of the BEST music lines of all time - no question. And since I have enviously been viewing so many Stones pics thought I would throw it in there. Over the last month, I have been missing NY, my friends and my family. I guess that was to be expected but it still took me by surprise. I am currently on a business trip as is usually the case I have had some time to reflect on the VERY LONG flight here and while I lay awake in my massive hotel room. Two years ago if you asked me what I would be doing in two years there is no way I would have ever thought this would be my life. It's not what I THOUGHT I wanted

As it turns out though - it's exactly what I needed and in turn what I want now. It's funny how that happens. What I wanted was a big job, to live in the city forever and maybe have a kid. What I really needed was the exact opposite (except maybe the child part). I needed a break from working the way I was working. I needed to not live to work. I needed, as it turns out, to leave the city in order to appreciate it even more.  I needed to slow down and I needed to lose myself a little in order to find myself.

The more I tell little bits of my story and watch peoples reactions the more I realize how very lucky I am. A very random meeting on a beach changed my life forever. Now that all the whirlwind of it is over, this is my new life and I am one lucky lady. I needed the love of a good man to realize I didn't need all of what I have left behind. I needed to slow down and step away to realize, I actually do love to work but I don't need to have THAT job. I just need to like what I am doing and like the people I am doing it with - even if I don't always LOVE it. It's still work but you have to like it in order to appreciate it.

I stepped out of my comfort zone and it hasn't been easy. I am living a very different life than I have lived. It's hard - new country, language and way of life.  I would have never in a million years thought leaving the city I loved, the work I thought I thrived on and a lifestyle that was constant go would be the things I didn't need because it's what I wanted. Yet the entire time I have been in San Francisco - a city that love almost as much as New York - I have just wanted to go home and home is now wherever my husband is.

We haven't had an easy month of getting used to living together and altering our lives but these few days apart have made me realize how badly I need my new life. I miss him more right now than I have missed him before. I can't believe for the last year and half we spent so much time apart - it feels wasted now. A note to some of my dear friends that are probably also missing then men they love - you know who you are.  Don't waste time, yes you will miss things but I can tell you from being on the other side of this now - its all sooooo worth it. I have everything I need and it's on a tiny island too far away from me right now.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Home Sweet Home

Well ok, it's not done yet but little by little we are getting there. This morning I got a great present from my husband - he actually said he liked the changes and the apartment is starting to feel nicer. He has no idea how AWESOME that made me feel. Just three weeks ago almost every suggestion I made was met with a very skeptic look and often followed by a not so subtle reminder that I wasn't allowed to throw anything out. So you can see how this little appreciation made me VERY happy. All I really want is to feel at home.

This comes after a week of ups and downs when it came to us settling into living together. The downs were mostly on my end and mostly due to lack of patience and feeling displaced. The reality is  I haven't really had A HOME for the last six months or so. Once I moved out of my apartment, I was splitting time with my parents and here, two places I was very comfortable in but neither were my home. I think this limbo caused me to try and force the issue faster than I should have.

The reality is I am suffering a little from homesickness. This place is gorgeous and peaceful and wonderful but couldn't be more different for me if it was another planet. I'm somewhat isolated in that I work from home so I don't really have any opportunity to meet people other than at the dive center or directly through my husband. That's not me generally. I am outgoing and have always made friends easily so to be somewhere without friends of my own is really tough. I know I have my friends still but I can't call any of them up and grab a glass, ok a bottle of wine with.

I didn't expect that. I mean I knew I would miss people but I was so excited to get here and start our life together I didn't think about everything I was leaving behind. I knew I would miss my family and friends but I didn't realize I how much. It's a lot harder than I thought. Don't get me wrong - not one iota of regret here. I wouldn't change a darn thing (except maybe would have moved sooner).

So it becomes about the apartment and making it a home. Seeing me reflected in it a bit more and just making it little nicer. It started with a vacuum and mop (so boring I know) but today is the first day I really see all the little "upgrades" starting to take shape. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen. I guess the same will go for my adjustment. I won't feel at home here today or tomorrow but soon.