Friday, September 28, 2012

Old Friends

With everything going on in my life over the last year I have admittedly have not had as much "free time" to spend with friends. But a funny thing has happened recently and I have gotten to spend time with a few folks that I have known 25+ years. Some I have stayed in regular contact with but don't get to see as often as we would like due to distance and obligations, others I only really get to keep up with on Facebook and the occasional run-in.

The one thing that has been universal with all of these interactions is just how easy it's been and how good it feels to be with them. We all have gone in some wildly different directions and are all in different places in our lives. Some are married, some are single, some are divorced. Some have had great success others have had some tragedy. The one thing that's universal is that we shared high school and the years from 14 - 18 where we had A LOT of fun and in many ways shaped who we have become.

The bonds we shared then and now have us forever connected. Feeling and caring for each other in a way that I think is unique and special. It's not that our adult friendships aren't special - but these friendships are different. We can sit and laugh now at how silly or horrible we were. About the things we did that freak us out a little now. The parties we went to, the relationships that started and stopped at a crazy frequency and with each we thought it was the beginning or end of the world.

These are the friends that drifted apart but have been brought back together from time to time for reunions, weddings, and sadly funerals. They were the friends that bonded together when we lost some of our own on 9/11. The friends that celebrated each others successes the friends and maybe at times failures. That realize now that some of our behavior back in high school was childish but also realize we were children and it is so far in the past.

I hope we always stay connected even if we only see each other once or twice a decade. The one thing I do know - that no matter how much time passes, we will always have a true bond and if any of these folks needed something I would be there for them as quick as they would be for me.

Monday, September 24, 2012

My Better Half

You hear phrases like this all the time: "my better half" "my significant other" " my other half" . I have heard this so much over the years and never really thought about it. As an "independent single woman" I was so confused by these words - I was a whole person and didn't need anyone else, or so I thought. It's funny how over the last year and half this has changed so much in my own mind. I'm not saying you can't be complete without someone - there are many people out there who live very full lives without getting married. What I do know about my personal experience is that now I do feel "more" complete.

When my husband left here the other day we once again we had a long teary goodbye. I was completely overcome with emotion. It didn't matter that this is going to be a short break, I absolutely HATED saying goodbye to him again. Then I was mad at myself a little at how silly I was being but that "strong independent" girl inside was so confused and annoyed with my emotion and tears.Then I saw a good friend post something about her other half and how being with them makes it all better - she is in a similar long distance relationship so if anyone can relate.... It clicked - part of me WAS getting on a plane and the other part was going back to her parents. It really got me thinking a lot about these sayings. And while I don't think people are "incomplete" without significant others I do know that I feel better when I am near my husband.

Now that I have found my "missing piece" I have a better understanding of all this. I am happier now than I have ever been and I feel empty and a little depressed when we aren't together. I am lucky enough to have found someone who loves me deeply and unconditionally. Someone who's simple presence makes a lot of the everyday things seem less important. The time apart is HARD and it's harder now that we are married. We made a huge mistake by not spending these weeks together as opposed to mostly apart. We are both much better when we are together. We are better equipped to handle the little things life throws in our direction. I think that's why they refer to it as better half - you are better when you are together and you have each other to support!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Just a HUGE THANK YOU

Wow, that's pretty much all I can say. We did it - twice and if we thought St Barth was perfect for its intimacy then New York was perfect for the details. It was a LOT of work to get there but in the end, I couldn't be happier with the results. Surrounded by most of the significant people in my life, we got to celebrate the night away. There were some very important people who for various good reason were unable to be there and were missed but we still felt their presence and support and that is what matters.

We continue to sit in amazement at how lucky we are. I want to take a moment to thank some folks that were the "behind the scenes" working on so many of the details that made the night so special. First to the folks at Abigail Kirsch for the food and the overall organization of the night. To Scratch DJs an specifically DJ Vida who had everyone's feet hurting the next morning - always a good sign. The Glass Houses that provided the most incredibly backdrop of the NYC and NJ skylines and one of the most spectacular sunsets I have ever seen.  To Angelo Lambrou who created the PERFECT dress for me - you are a GENIUS. To my uncle who made sure that some of the men looked sharp. To Renny & Reed who's flowers were elegant and a perfect reflection.To Lela Edgar who's photographic genius captured the evening. To Corey for the taking the video and getting it in a format that we will always have. Finally, to my dear friend Masha who created a beautiful memory for us with that slideshow and helped with so many of the little details - words can not express our gratitude. If anyone reading this needs any of these services - ask me how to contact these people because they were all amazing!!!!

My father made the most beautiful toast and we will cherish that speech always. Our friend David told our story from his point of view and got everyone to laugh and gave me a little insight to what was happening when we weren't together. By the time I was supposed to speak I was already so overwhelmed there was little to say other than THANK YOU!

All of these details helped us celebrate and get to enjoy this time together. There were so many little things that were done for reasons other than "it's really pretty." We really wanted to celebrate "us" and get my NYC friends and Family a little taste of St Barth. The colors were a reflection of the place we met, the location was to view where I was from, the food included some of our favorite things, the music was meant to show off who we are. We named the tables after some of significant spots for us - yes they were all in St Barth but we wanted to bring that to NYC. My focus was that is was a reflection of us - I hope we came through, I think we did.

But really the evening was so great because of the people that were there. You all play a very important part of my life and now our lives. Some of you traveled very far to be there - that means the world to us. Others had pregnant bellies and or kids at home which I know makes it tough to get away. Even for those of you thatOur journey to this point was made possible mostly by the love and support we got during our journey - and maybe a little patience than either of. You were the shoulders I leaned on when the days apart became unbearable, you were the ears that listened when I questioned myself, you were the voices of encouragement when I made some of the toughest decisions in my life to get here. In no way is this journey done - it's just now beginning. I sincerely hope that some day every single one of the people that were there (and the ones that couldn't) come to visit to see where we fell in love and our new home!


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I Remember

It's been 11 years and its yet so very very fresh. This day has always been a reminder of how lucky I was that day and how amazing New Yorkers are. I miss living in the city but I will always be a New Yorker. This day always brings with it such a rush of emotions because I remember it all.

I remember waking up getting ready for an early meeting, the meeting was cancelled at the 11th hour so instead of heading all the way downtown I went to the office.

I remember the crisp air and perfect sky and thinking how beautiful the city looked.

I remember being on the phone with my and my brother calling 5 or 6 times before I answered assuming he was calling about Yankee tickets he was supposed to pick up later

I remember him yelling at me for not answering sooner, I remember being annoyed then I remember all he could say was "they did it on purpose."

I remember not knowing what he was talking about and then we turned on the TV

I remember getting in a cab and going home

I remember the there was no meter that day we just listened in silence as the towers fell, i didn't know any of the people that got in that cab with me

I remember the calls from some amazing friends on the west coast to make sure I was OK

I remember waiting for word from my roommate that she was ok

I remember seeing her walk in the door and knew that what she had witnessed she would never forget

I remember frantically dialing people and getting everyone accounted for

I remember walking through the park and getting my friend Doug on the phone - he was safe.

I remember picking up my cousin from school and looking around and children were waiting news of parents who worked there

I remember just sitting in front of the TV in shock

I remember around 9pm thinking everyone had been accounted for and feeling so happy that my friends were ok, Feeling guilty knowing so many people weren't

I remember the phone ringing late and the voice on the other end and knew instantly that the tragedy hit people I care about and not knowing what to say

I remember waiting for news for days, news that we knew wasn't coming but still hoped

I remember seeing my old friend and thinking how silly we had been and without a word we hugged and it was the past, this is what mattered now

I remember how we came together to celebrate lives cut way too short

I remember how the city and the country changed forever

I remember the smell of smoke for days

I remember the first time I drove up the turnpike and didn't see those towers sparkle in the skyline

I remember it all so very clearly

Like many of you I will NEVER EVER forget that day or the friends I lost or their families as they relieve it. I will never forget that day or the weeks following and how we all came together. How strangers helped each other. I was then and still am proud to be a New Yorker even if my address has changed.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Advice Too Good Not to Share

Over the years I have received a lot of advice - on everything from which shoes to wear with that dress to how save money for a "rainy day." I also started receiving and actually listening to marriage advice many years ago.  Now that I am married I thought it would be fun to share some of the advice and "tips" I have received. Some are down right funny, some made me think, and some provoked more questions.

Would love to hear your thoughts on some of these. Please note - I may or may not agree with all this advice but it all gave me something to think about.

"Be patient, be respectful, and remember you aren't just you anymore"

"We never fell out of love at the same time"

"Work at it, it won't always be easy. Marriage is not easy it's hard work, too many young people give up too easily."

"Men have pride, women have strength - remember to never hurt his pride."

"Focus on the family, our family keeps our marriage strong"

"Keep it spicy"

"Communicate about everything"

"Find your routines and your roles, then break them every once in a while"

"Have a baby"

"Communicate don't talk"

"Support each other but challenge each other if something is wrong, then work at it together."

""Don't try and change each other but try and appreciate your differences and find middle ground"

"Compromise but don't always give in"

"Put each other first, not your parents or anyone else - you are each other's priorities."

"Be a soft and loving wife, support him."

"Say I love you, a lot."

And my personal favorite courtesy of my great aunts who also supplied a few of the ones above ""Don't be scared on your wedding night, it gets better" (ok that one was from a 95 year old aunt - it was followed with) "Oh i think they have done that"

Ok so what are your favorites? Do you have tidbits to add? Would love to hear your thoughts on this.