Wednesday, December 12, 2012

You Can't Always Get What You Want

But you get what you need. One of the BEST music lines of all time - no question. And since I have enviously been viewing so many Stones pics thought I would throw it in there. Over the last month, I have been missing NY, my friends and my family. I guess that was to be expected but it still took me by surprise. I am currently on a business trip as is usually the case I have had some time to reflect on the VERY LONG flight here and while I lay awake in my massive hotel room. Two years ago if you asked me what I would be doing in two years there is no way I would have ever thought this would be my life. It's not what I THOUGHT I wanted

As it turns out though - it's exactly what I needed and in turn what I want now. It's funny how that happens. What I wanted was a big job, to live in the city forever and maybe have a kid. What I really needed was the exact opposite (except maybe the child part). I needed a break from working the way I was working. I needed to not live to work. I needed, as it turns out, to leave the city in order to appreciate it even more.  I needed to slow down and I needed to lose myself a little in order to find myself.

The more I tell little bits of my story and watch peoples reactions the more I realize how very lucky I am. A very random meeting on a beach changed my life forever. Now that all the whirlwind of it is over, this is my new life and I am one lucky lady. I needed the love of a good man to realize I didn't need all of what I have left behind. I needed to slow down and step away to realize, I actually do love to work but I don't need to have THAT job. I just need to like what I am doing and like the people I am doing it with - even if I don't always LOVE it. It's still work but you have to like it in order to appreciate it.

I stepped out of my comfort zone and it hasn't been easy. I am living a very different life than I have lived. It's hard - new country, language and way of life.  I would have never in a million years thought leaving the city I loved, the work I thought I thrived on and a lifestyle that was constant go would be the things I didn't need because it's what I wanted. Yet the entire time I have been in San Francisco - a city that love almost as much as New York - I have just wanted to go home and home is now wherever my husband is.

We haven't had an easy month of getting used to living together and altering our lives but these few days apart have made me realize how badly I need my new life. I miss him more right now than I have missed him before. I can't believe for the last year and half we spent so much time apart - it feels wasted now. A note to some of my dear friends that are probably also missing then men they love - you know who you are.  Don't waste time, yes you will miss things but I can tell you from being on the other side of this now - its all sooooo worth it. I have everything I need and it's on a tiny island too far away from me right now.

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