Suburgatory????

I know, I am ripping off the title of a show, they show it on United and I have seen a few episodes. It's about a teenage girl and her father that move from the city to the suburbs. I'm living it right now and I have to tell you the title is very appropriate for my current state of mind. It's a play or purgatory - or "limbo." It's where I am right now. I don't live in the city any more, and until I get that pesky little Visa, I don't live in St. Barth and I don't really live with my parents either. 

You see at 40, I moved a lot of my stuff back into my childhood home, so when I am not with my future husband, I am with my parents. This way of living can be fun - I mean there is something incredibly comforting about being with your parents - no one can put up with my current state of mind the way they do. BUT I have been on my own for 22 years - and living in cities (DC or NYC) for all of that time with the exception of the first 2 years out of college. Needless to say, it's quite a bit of an adjustment.

I REALLY miss the city - even my life in St Barth is more city like than it is here. The things I miss most - walking my dog in the park in the morning - nothing put a smile on my face more than seeing that little nutjob running free. Walking everywhere - you really can't walk anywhere - i try but you really need to drive. Food variety - the only thing you really can get delivered is Pizza. And the freedom of seeing folks whenever I want. 

Now it's not like I didn't know all this, but living it is very different. I feel like I am in this limbo - I don't REALLY live here and i don't REALLY live there either. I am close enough that i can see the skyline, but getting into to see friends is not so easy. I am in the same room I was in when I was a child - but both brothers have lived there since so any signs of me are long gone. And while I do love sports, the framed linup cards and photos of professional athletes is not exactly the decor I would go for.  

I head back to St. Barth tomorrow and can't wait - not just because my love is there although I am VERY VERY excited to see him. But because I get a little bit of city life back. I can walk everywhere, we do go out to more often than I do now, and slowly but surely, the place is starting to at least feel a little bit like mine.

I know this sounds like whining and I'm sorry for that but the reality is, for me being in limbo if frustrating - i just want to get to the end game...but alas there is that pesky Visa issue....