Freedoms & Friendships

For those of you who have been reading, I think it's fair to say that my transition has not been the smoothest of transitions. I never expected it to be, but I wasn't prepared for some of the things that became increasingly difficult every day. The language, the new way of life, the new roommate, and new "rules" it was a lot all at once. I think the two biggest things for me were the friendships and freedoms were not as plentiful as they had been for me over the first 40 years of my life.

I never did have a hard time making friends and I have been blessed with some of the best a girl could ask for. Here it was harder since finding common ground isn't as easy as it was back in NYC. I mean think about - growing up you are all in school so you make friends that way, as you get older it's through after school activities, and then jobs. There is always some sort of social aspect to it. Here, I work from home and don't speak the language and there isn't exactly a huge advertising and marketing community here so well....it's not been so easy. 

Then there were some missing "freedoms" that I had taken for granted for so long. A bank account, transportation, the ability to just do something without someone else's help. For 3 months - I had to rely on someone else to do just about everything. I had to ask to use the car, needed him to get me a cell phone and pretty much have him take care of everything.

Well, like with everything, time changes things. As I spend more time here I don't feel as MUCH as an outsider anymore. I feel like I am starting to develop friendships and fell like part of a group. We do things together and I am starting to participate more in conversations in French. Heck, I am even making plans and doing things with others. My social circle is still largely dependent on the dive center and my husbands friends, but that's normal I think.

On the freedoms - I got a car, well sort of, it's currently having "technical difficulties" but it's a car and I can use it whenever I want. I am running my own errands and even dealing with administrative things on my own. And my big freedom? Well I am doing my next level of certification and have started leading dives - I will be a Dive Master yet!!!!

Making new friends, learning to dive, learning a language - these are not typical things a 40 something is normally has to deal with but I have to say, it's been a really fun ride! I am loving this adventure and am looking for to many many more firsts. Like this week - my first Bucket Regatta which I am soooo excited to get to watch from the best seat in the house - my husbands boat with some great friends. I promise to post some pics.

A Lesson From the Oscars

Apologies for the silence lately, it's not that I have nothing to say it's that I wasn't sure what the next post should be about - there was just so much going through my head. The last few months have been challenging and wonderful at the same time. When I finally got to watch the Oscars, my favorite moment was provided by one of my favorite Hollywood couples. During Ben Affleck's emotional and very real acceptance speech, he thanked his wife for all her work on their marriage and admitted it was work but he couldn't think of anyone he would rather work on it more with. For some reason there was a lot of negative associate with what he said and I am really confused by it.

What's wrong about admitting that marriage is work? Of course it's work. In my opinion it was refreshing not to hear the typical "you're perfect and I love you." He thanked his wife for working with him at something you could see was extremely important to him. For a minute, they became so very human and reinforced what I suspected of them all along, they are more "normal" than most of Hollywood. Because nothing is more normal than admitting something isn't perfect but it's still really great.

That's how I am feeling these days in general. I've documented here a lot of the challenges I was experiencing once we actually started living together full-time. We were two grown adults who had been on their own for 40 and 48 years, we both had other major life changes going on in addition to the marriage, so yeah it wasn't easy, it was work. But you know what - it's worth it.

Like anything you work for, if you put in the effort, there is a payoff of some sort. The last month has been as perfect as I could imagine. We've gotten used to the little things that may bug us, we are learning to live as a team. We are both learning compromise - so yes, we are both not always going to love doing certain things but we do them because it's important to the other person and at the end of the day each other's happiness is what we strive for.

The other night we were invited to dinner by probably my most favorite of Didier's clients. I wrote about this family once before - they are truly one of the best families in every aspect. The dinner was just with parents and we talked about our lives, how we met, how they met and how they made it to 35 years of marriage. It was really a lovely evening and we were both a bit inspired by them. Not once did they ever say it was easy - but they did say they have no regrets. When we got home, my husband remarked at how cool it was that they were married 35 years, I couldn't agree more.

So I think we are entering the next phase of the relationship. The time where a lot of the initial romance fades and we settle into our lives. The period where real life is happening around us and we are there to support each other when the days are rough. We know it's going to be work, every day. But I couldn't agree with Mr. Affleck more -  it IS the BEST kind of work, and I couldn't be happier about the partner I have to work with. And i can only hope we get 35 or more years to work at it together!