tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31509492710515552972024-02-02T18:00:38.272-05:00Surprises are EverywhereBlog about a NYC single woman that fell in love on vacation and moved to St Barth to marry the love of her life. The focus is mostly on relationships, friendships, transitions, with a splash of reference to the business world.JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-17622247492195067052013-05-06T15:17:00.001-04:002013-05-06T15:17:08.142-04:00Too Many GoodbyesWell, it's approaching that time of year here - the "season" is ending and with that everything on the island changes. The tourists are still here but there are definitely starting to be less of them and many of the people that live here during the high season are leaving. It's strange - you get to know people then they move back to France, Italy or someplace even further. The island is less crowded, you can find parking and the restaurants aren't packed every night.<br />
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My life has never been so much about goodbyes. My parents still live in the same house that i grew up in and I lived in NY for 16 years which is throwing distance from where I grew up. I haven't had so many goodbyes now its become so frequent its a bit unnerving. I am trying to settle into a strange place and make friends but I really don't know if they will be here next week or next month. To them its part of life, for me it's so strange this semi-nomadic lifestyle. I was speaking to one woman the other day who moves every six months - to her staying in the same place for too long seems odd and boring for me to move every six months seems reckless. I guess its part of human nature.<br />
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Three of my favorite people I have met since I was here have recently left - one to France, one to Italy, one to Australia. Two more are leaving in a week and may not come back. I hope our paths cross again, I actually think they will. I am trying to focus on the bright side - I have some amazing options of places to visit and then I get to see my friends again, but at the same time - that friendship void keeps getting bigger.<br />
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I just started to feel like I am settling in, making friends and living here. I miss my friends back in NY but I know they are there and thanks to me having roots there, i will see them from time to time. But it's these short friendships that have me a little unsettled. I'm not sure how to react. It's hard enough with the language issues, now I need to find people that are actually going to stick around which is rare.<br />
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So I guess it's just part of living here - people come and go. I guess such as life - people come and go. But its the time you spend together that matters. I will continue to meet new people and they will flow in and out of our lives. The reality is we don't even know how long we will be here. So there is goes - people will come and go, I guess we just need to learn to treasure the time we get together. But they all know they will always be a part of my time here and I am grateful for it!<br />
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<br />JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-19077596283655359852013-03-25T11:35:00.001-04:002013-03-25T11:35:50.548-04:00Freedoms & FriendshipsFor those of you who have been reading, I think it's fair to say that my transition has not been the smoothest of transitions. I never expected it to be, but I wasn't prepared for some of the things that became increasingly difficult every day. The language, the new way of life, the new roommate, and new "rules" it was a lot all at once. I think the two biggest things for me were the friendships and freedoms were not as plentiful as they had been for me over the first 40 years of my life.<br />
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I never did have a hard time making friends and I have been blessed with some of the best a girl could ask for. Here it was harder since finding common ground isn't as easy as it was back in NYC. I mean think about - growing up you are all in school so you make friends that way, as you get older it's through after school activities, and then jobs. There is always some sort of social aspect to it. Here, I work from home and don't speak the language and there isn't exactly a huge advertising and marketing community here so well....it's not been so easy. </div>
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Then there were some missing "freedoms" that I had taken for granted for so long. A bank account, transportation, the ability to just do something without someone else's help. For 3 months - I had to rely on someone else to do just about everything. I had to ask to use the car, needed him to get me a cell phone and pretty much have him take care of everything.</div>
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Well, like with everything, time changes things. As I spend more time here I don't feel as MUCH as an outsider anymore. I feel like I am starting to develop friendships and fell like part of a group. We do things together and I am starting to participate more in conversations in French. Heck, I am even making plans and doing things with others. My social circle is still largely dependent on the dive center and my husbands friends, but that's normal I think.<br />
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On the freedoms - I got a car, well sort of, it's currently having "technical difficulties" but it's a car and I can use it whenever I want. I am running my own errands and even dealing with administrative things on my own. And my big freedom? Well I am doing my next level of certification and have started leading dives - I will be a Dive Master yet!!!!<br />
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Making new friends, learning to dive, learning a language - these are not typical things a 40 something is normally has to deal with but I have to say, it's been a really fun ride! I am loving this adventure and am looking for to many many more firsts. Like this week - my first Bucket Regatta which I am soooo excited to get to watch from the best seat in the house - my husbands boat with some great friends. I promise to post some pics.<br />
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JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-20479199583090372362013-03-08T07:58:00.004-05:002013-03-08T07:58:58.842-05:00A Lesson From the Oscars Apologies for the silence lately, it's not that I have nothing to say it's that I wasn't sure what the next post should be about - there was just so much going through my head. The last few months have been challenging and wonderful at the same time. When I finally got to watch the Oscars, my favorite moment was provided by one of my favorite Hollywood couples. During Ben Affleck's emotional and very<b><i> real </i></b>acceptance speech, he thanked his wife for all her work on their marriage and admitted it was work but he couldn't think of anyone he would rather work on it more with. For some reason there was a lot of negative associate with what he said and I am really confused by it.<br />
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What's wrong about admitting that marriage is work? Of course it's work. In my opinion it was refreshing not to hear the typical "you're perfect and I love you." He thanked his wife for working with him at something you could see was extremely important to him. For a minute, they became so very human and reinforced what I suspected of them all along, they are more "normal" than most of Hollywood. Because nothing is more normal than admitting something isn't perfect but it's still really great.<br />
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That's how I am feeling these days in general. I've documented here a lot of the challenges I was experiencing once we actually started living together full-time. We were two grown adults who had been on their own for 40 and 48 years, we both had other major life changes going on in addition to the marriage, so yeah it wasn't easy, it was work. But you know what - it's worth it.<br />
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Like anything you work for, if you put in the effort, there is a payoff of some sort. The last month has been as perfect as I could imagine. We've gotten used to the little things that may bug us, we are learning to live as a team. We are both learning compromise - so yes, we are both not always going to love doing certain things but we do them because it's important to the other person and at the end of the day each other's happiness is what we strive for.<br />
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The other night we were invited to dinner by probably my most favorite of Didier's clients. I wrote about this family once before - they are truly one of the best families in every aspect. The dinner was just with parents and we talked about our lives, how we met, how they met and how they made it to 35 years of marriage. It was really a lovely evening and we were both a bit inspired by them. Not once did they ever say it was easy - but they did say they have no regrets. When we got home, my husband remarked at how cool it was that they were married 35 years, I couldn't agree more.<br />
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So I think we are entering the next phase of the relationship. The time where a lot of the initial romance fades and we settle into our lives. The period where real life is happening around us and we are there to support each other when the days are rough. We know it's going to be work, every day. But I couldn't agree with Mr. Affleck more - it IS the BEST kind of work, and I couldn't be happier about the partner I have to work with. And i can only hope we get 35 or more years to work at it together!<br />
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<br />JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-70422148006948487782013-01-29T13:01:00.002-05:002013-01-29T13:01:53.034-05:00Approval Not NeededWhy is it that we are always searching for approval for things from the people around us? Also, why are we always so quick to try and provide our two cents without knowing the full story? So many people get so wrapped up in what other people think they often forget to ask themselves how THEY feel about whatever decision is being made. It's something I personally struggled with for years - I was a "people pleaser" and wanted validation on everything from hair color to apartment to men I dated. For a long time my relationships were so much more about how they reflected on who I was as opposed to what they did for me as person. On the flip, I have often been guilty of giving my opinion too quickly and without all the information. Something that I have really been working on.<br />
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I was talking with someone about this recently who is dealing with some judging. What I said to that person is "f them." Sorry but it's true. People that aren't there all the time and only see or hear things in small pieces do not get to judge as they don't have ALL the information. Women, I am sad to say, are the worst at this BY FAR. We are always sitting their questioning each others choices. Unfortunately, 99% of the time we only have about 10% of the information. And we are always sooooo quick to provide our two cents. Judging either quietly or worse LOUDLY about other peoples choices based on what we see or hear on the surface. Let's face it - a group of girls having drinks is going to lead to some "bitch sessions" because we feel the need to vent, doesn't mean that it needs to change.<br />
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Just because your friend is complaining about a project at work this week doesn't mean she should quit her job or just because she is annoyed that her husband doesn't help around the house doesn't mean they should get divorced - so be careful with you "comments." Remember - once you say something out loud and people hear it, while you may be able to apologize, the words are there and its going to be tough to be forgotten.<br />
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Through my journey this has happened to me quite a bit. Yes people that are reading this - I know what you were thinking and saying and still are. The fact is, it doesn't matter nor should it. My choices are precisely that,<b><i> my</i></b> choices. For a long time it hurt to know that people I cared about were making assumptions about my decisions and more importantly, my life. This transition has not been easy - its a completely new way of life so at a time where I needed support I often got the exact opposite due to a lack of information. Maybe it's because we tend to look for support when we are facing a tougher situation?<br />
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I am still in the very early stages of trying to figure out what a lot of my new life means. How to get by in new country, how to cope when we disagree, how to communicate when my husband isn't around, how to buy the right butter (something I am pleased to report I think I have figured out), etc. It has its ups and downs and that is to be expected, the reality is the ups are far more than the downs but the downs are still tough to cope with and that's when I reach out. My French is improving - FINALLY I can order for myself and have a little bit of small talk. I am starting to be less annoyed by certain things and instead appreciate them. Am learning a lot of the things that I don't love are just part of "island living" so they bug me less. I may still complain about certain things - pretty normal - but just because I am complaining about flies it doesn't mean that I miserable - it just means at that moment flies are bugging me.<br />
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Here's my reality: I married a good man who loves and cares about me. We are very much in love and we want many of the same things. We also came from different places and are learning to understand that about each other a little more. We know our choices surprised a lot of people, its to be expected. What helps is that with time, many people have come to realize we weren't making a "huge mistake" and as they got to know us better as a couple realized that this was exactly right for us. I don't think my reality is all that different or special.<br />
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So here's the net/net - you don't really need someone's approval if the choices seem right to you, you are the only one with all the information. And if you are giving your opinion, whether solicited or unsolicited, be very careful what you say and how it's delivered, you may unwillingly be hurting someone you care about while thinking it's "for their own good."<br />
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<br />JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-40427610325503849132013-01-14T11:49:00.001-05:002013-01-14T11:49:06.805-05:00Parents Be With Your BabiesOver the last couple of weeks I got to witness a lot of craziness that is part of the very high season here. The thing I took note of most was how parents and children were interacting with each other and over the last few weeks I have seen some awesome parenting and some parenting that left me furious. It's no secret I want a little one but I am also aware of the fact that I may have waited to long and may never get my wish. I think that's what some of what I witnessed got me so angry. I can't understand why parents who get so little time with their kids to begin with seem so bothered by them.<br />
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I covered in a previous post about what some of the very high season crowd looks like. It's the extraordinarily wealthy - people are dropping hundreds of thousands of dollars down to be here these two weeks. With the dive center a lot of times you get fathers wanting their kids to experience diving, and in many cases you are doing private trips with these folks so I really got to see some interesting interactions.<br />
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I'll start with the highlights - a family from NYC came and their 10 year old son wanted to try diving - neither parent had interest and the father actually told me when he dove last time it was a terrible experience and he didn't like it at all. But yet when his son did so well in the pool session and wanted to try it in the sea the dad didn't hesitate. So the dad, the grandfather and the little boy all came out together. It was a special day for them and I loved witnessing it. I loved that the dad focused on nothing but his son the whole time - following with a camera and diving even though it wasn't something he enjoyed - at the end he was happy because his son was happy and I would be willing to bet we see them next year.<br />
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Another family came back that I had met last year - father with four daughters and his wife. When they found out we got married everyone came back to pick up dad after his dive and sat around and chatted with us for a while. These two weeks you can tell are very special to these parents as their daughters are getting older. What I love most is that they always wanted to do as much together as a family as possible. I remarked to my husband that night how warm I found them.<br />
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Then there were a few that broke my heart. Fathers who would rather nap than take a walk on the beach with their sun. Parents saying "not now" because they were too busy trying to look fabulous and this small person was something the nanny should be dealing with - I actually overheard that comment. Father admonishing his son because he was scared of something his sister wasn't when the father was really only interested in his cell phone the whole time. Mothers complaining how "they need a break" as they are sitting with friends and ignoring their daughters.<br />
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For those of you who say I don't have a right to judge, you are right, I don't. But as someone who would give ANYTHING to be "annoyed" by my own child it's difficult to watch people who have been given this beautiful amazing gift to only look inconvenienced. Your child is a child for such a short period of time and you never know what life is going to bring you. All I know is if I am somehow lucky enough to be a parent, I hope I will be like mine - present whenever they need me and not like so many that unfortunately seem to be out there.<br />
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<br />JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-59748086180377338232013-01-04T06:40:00.003-05:002013-01-04T06:40:48.573-05:00A Lesson From the Past YearToday is a pretty significant day for me in this whole little thing that is my new life. It doesn't matter exactly why but without January 4th of last year, my "new life" probably wouldn't have happened. As I think about that, I am also thinking about how much has changed for everyone around me in the last year and I am pretty excited about all of the changes that are to come in 2013.<br />
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In the past year I know people who have found love, lost love, gotten pregnant, given birth, lost a child, gotten a pet, lost a pet, moved, quit their jobs, lost many of their childhood memories and made new memories. I know people who have started businesses, failed businesses, sold a business and lost their businesses to a hurricane. Basically, I like all of you have experienced or know someone who has experienced pretty much every human emotion imaginable over the last twelve months.<br />
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This day a year ago I was excited to start a new job but very sad to leave St. Barth, I didn't like the way things went that week but also had a "feeling" about some things. That job wasn't exactly what I was thinking it would be - I ended up in a situation I never thought I would find myself, completely duped with my new boss being arrested very soon into my new gig - he ended up in prison and I ended up having to figure something else out - and FAST. It's a crazy story but without it, the next nine months wouldn't have happened.<br />
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This day a year ago, I said goodbye to my now husband and he was in the process of figuring out "us" you see I had already done that, but you know us women are sometimes quicker at coming to the right conclusion ;) He took some time to reflect on what it was he wanted and whether or not "we" were it. So he needed time and a little space.<br />
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The past few days I have seen many of the same folks that had dove with my husband a year ago. There was a hint of something in their faces when they saw me - surprise, delight, maybe even shock - they all had a similar reaction, something along the lines of "so, there have been some changes since we last saw each other." My reaction has been something along the lines of "um, yeah a little bit." In general they have all been very warm and seem truly happy for us.<br />
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I don't think I am so special - who's life DOESN'T change in a year? Who sits still and doesn't have SOMETHING happen? The thing is - LIFE happens. Sometimes it happens great sometimes it's not so great - but no matter what happens you have to live it. You have to deal with what's happening around you and ask - is this something that I am going to let get me down or am I going to learn/grow/move forward in a new and "better" way.<br />
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There were and still are a lot of people out there that think we made a mistake. But there seem to be more and more everyday that believe in us and maybe even give us a bit of credit as they realize that this was not easy. We have been through a lot in the past year. There have been times I wasn't so sure I could do this. At the end it has all been worth it. Every last bit of it. I learned a lot about myself during that time with my old boss and I am learning a lot about myself every day in my new environment. My husband has learned a lot about himself during his time of reflection.<br />
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Together we are learning how to be a better team and help each other when we can how we can. I'm very happy about the way things are turning out and I look forward to continuing to grow and learn as a couple and I honestly don't care so much any more about what other think about it all. We are the only two people who opinions really matter in all this so I'm just going to focus on that. We are entering the next stage of our relationship and I can't wait to see what the next 12 months bring.<br />
<br />JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-68127859217034739352012-12-20T10:33:00.003-05:002012-12-20T10:33:40.864-05:00Tis the SeasonLike everything else here, time of year very different from what I am used to "back home." I have actually been waiting for the next two weeks here for a very a long time because from what I hear it's something to see and experience. I have to admit, it's been very hard for me to get into the "Holiday Spirit" this year. Maybe it's the 80 degree temperatures or the lack of constant Christmas music or the barrage of Christmas ads on TV. But it definitely feels like there is <i>something </i>in the air. It's not exactly a Christmas spirit but it's no less alive and very very obvious.<br />
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Here the words "The Season" while its very related to Christmas & New Years on the calendar means something completely different. When the rest of the world is celebrating the end of the year, here it's essentially the beginning. The big boats started to arrive a couple of weeks ago but as of this morning, the harbor is almost full. The world largest yacht The Eclipse is here and you hear more English and Russian being spoken than French. "The Season" has officially started - which means this is the St Barth you read about.<br />
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It's been amazing to watch the slow transformation from small local community to an island filled with tourists. Most of these tourists aren't your typical tourist, this isn't their first holiday in St Barth and they like to make it clear that they know the Island. When I arrived in early November it was quiet - really really quiet. Not even all the folks that live here had returned from the mass exodus that happens in September & October - the height of hurricane season here. There was Thanksgiving week where we got a sneak peak at what was about to happen, but I can already see it doesn't compare to the next two weeks. Where everything is elevated - there is a "buzz" in the air.<br />
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The staffs at restaurants and hotels are increased and the level of service is raised everywhere. I have been watching my husband and his business partner slowly gearing up waiting for what's about to happen. They are already getting the private dives - and have more than one booking a day and the emails and calls are coming in at a quicker pace. For me this is fun to witness as it's the opposite of what I am used to. I'm used to coasting through these two weeks, doing a little work but really catching up on the news and some good books. This year though I am looking forward to making myself useful, if possible, with their business. Whether it's to help them get ready for large groups, answer some emails or just be an extra pair of hands when possible. I will work this holiday season in one way shape or form if I can.<br />
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But what's happen around the island, well, it really is something to see. The wealthiest of the wealthy will be here - forget the 1% this is the .001%. To give you context - I said something about Romney and his yacht the other day and the comment I got back was "He's not SO wealthy." Yep, a world where one of the symbols of wealth isn't considered wealthy - that kind of wealth. There are some of the yachts in the harbor cost more than $500 m to build - and they only represent one of the owners toys. Of course not everyone that comes is on a yacht - most rent villas or stay in hotels. But they are still spend a pretty penny to be here these two weeks and it becomes a bit of a playground.<br />
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It's such a contrast to my holidays back home. I miss the holiday parties and will certainly miss Christmas Eve at my parents. I won't however miss New Year's Eve in NYC - never was a fan. It's very different, not bad just different. I don't have a Christmas Tree and all my decorations are in a storage unit. And while I used to dream of a "White Christmas" well the white sand beaches are a perfectly acceptable substitute. I am however looking forward to living it as a local, that's what I am now and I think I am finally feeling like one!<br />
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Happy Holidays all!!!!!JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-3075351521689575542012-12-12T10:06:00.003-05:002012-12-12T10:06:36.719-05:00You Can't Always Get What You WantBut you get what you need. One of the BEST music lines of all time - no question. And since I have enviously been viewing so many Stones pics thought I would throw it in there. Over the last month, I have been missing NY, my friends and my family. I guess that was to be expected but it still took me by surprise. I am currently on a business trip as is usually the case I have had some time to reflect on the VERY LONG flight here and while I lay awake in my massive hotel room. Two years ago if you asked me what I would be doing in two years there is no way I would have ever thought this would be my life. It's not what I THOUGHT I wanted<br />
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As it turns out though - it's exactly what I needed and in turn what I want now. It's funny how that happens. What I wanted was a big job, to live in the city forever and maybe have a kid. What I really needed was the exact opposite (except maybe the child part). I needed a break from working the way I was working. I needed to not live to work. I needed, as it turns out, to leave the city in order to appreciate it even more. <i> </i>I needed to slow down and I needed to lose myself a little in order to find myself.<br />
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The more I tell little bits of my story and watch peoples reactions the more I realize how very lucky I am. A very random meeting on a beach changed my life forever. Now that all the whirlwind of it is over, this is my new life and I am one lucky lady. I needed the love of a good man to realize I didn't need all of what I have left behind. I needed to slow down and step away to realize, I actually do love to work but I don't need to have THAT job. I just need to like what I am doing and like the people I am doing it with - even if I don't always LOVE it. It's still work but you have to like it in order to appreciate it.<br />
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I stepped out of my comfort zone and it hasn't been easy. I am living a very different life than I have lived. It's hard - new country, language and way of life. I would have never in a million years thought leaving the city I loved, the work I thought I thrived on and a lifestyle that was constant go would be the things I didn't need because it's what I wanted. Yet the entire time I have been in San Francisco - a city that love almost as much as New York - I have just wanted to go home and home is now wherever my husband is.<br />
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We haven't had an easy month of getting used to living together and altering our lives but these few days apart have made me realize how badly I need my new life. I miss him more right now than I have missed him before. I can't believe for the last year and half we spent so much time apart - it feels wasted now. A note to some of my dear friends that are probably also missing then men they love - you know who you are. Don't waste time, yes you will miss things but I can tell you from being on the other side of this now - its all sooooo worth it. I have everything I need and it's on a tiny island too far away from me right now. JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-92043416211081944272012-12-03T16:58:00.001-05:002012-12-03T17:49:29.954-05:00Home Sweet HomeWell ok, it's not done yet but little by little we are getting there. This morning I got a great present from my husband - he actually said he liked the changes and the apartment is starting to feel nicer. He has no idea how AWESOME that made me feel. Just three weeks ago almost every suggestion I made was met with a very skeptic look and often followed by a not so subtle reminder that I wasn't allowed to throw anything out. So you can see how this little appreciation made me VERY happy. All I really want is to feel at home.<br />
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This comes after a week of ups and downs when it came to us settling into living together. The downs were mostly on my end and mostly due to lack of patience and feeling displaced. The reality is I haven't really had A HOME for the last six months or so. Once I moved out of my apartment, I was splitting time with my parents and here, two places I was very comfortable in but neither were<b><i> my</i></b> home. I think this limbo caused me to try and force the issue faster than I should have.<br />
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The reality is I am suffering a little from homesickness. This place is gorgeous and peaceful and wonderful but couldn't be more different for me if it was another planet. I'm somewhat isolated in that I work from home so I don't really have any opportunity to meet people other than at the dive center or directly through my husband. That's not me generally. I am outgoing and have always made friends easily so to be somewhere without friends of my own is really tough. I know I have my friends still but I can't call any of them up and grab a glass, ok a bottle of wine with.<br />
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I didn't expect that. I mean I knew I would miss people but I was so excited to get here and start our life together I didn't think about everything I was leaving behind. I knew I would miss my family and friends but I didn't realize I how much. It's a lot harder than I thought. Don't get me wrong - not one iota of regret here. I wouldn't change a darn thing (except maybe would have moved sooner).<br />
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So it becomes about the apartment and making it a home. Seeing me reflected in it a bit more and just making it little nicer. It started with a vacuum and mop (so boring I know) but today is the first day I really see all the little "upgrades" starting to take shape. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen. I guess the same will go for my adjustment. I won't feel at home here today or tomorrow but soon.<br />
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<br />JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-477559644740461682012-11-26T08:12:00.004-05:002012-11-26T08:21:53.606-05:00Little by LittleI am sitting on my terrace overlooking Gustavia Harbor and am alone and it's quiet and I am fully content. I just completed my first holiday away from what I have called home for so many years. I was indulged by several friends and my husband who all joined me here for my first Thanksgiving and it was really a lovely holiday weekend.<br />
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The first two weeks have not been easy as I make my transition from guest to resident. I think my diving experience is a good analogy for what I have been going through. My first time back in the water was rough - there was an unexpected swell and I got tossed around the reef as if I was in the washing machine's spin cycle - for the first time in my life I was really scared in the water. The last few outings however were significantly better - I was comfortable and felt a state of complete bliss.<br />
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The same way I got through that first dive is how I got through the last two weeks that had several challenges thrown at me. I survived getting the kitchen and bedroom in order, buying the wrong butter (a mortal sin apparently) and a coconut allergy attack that happened at one of our favorite restaurants that had my skin basically on fire. But we are still learning to live together and roll with life's little adventures.<br />
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My mission before the end of the year now is to make this apartment into OUR home. Two men lived here previous to my moving in so it definitely needed woman's touch. Thankfully, I actually enjoy doing a lot of what needs to be done, we have a landlord that is open to making repairs and upgrades without fuss, and although it would be insane to bring MY things here, I have found a few stores that don't rob their clientele blind.<br />
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The kitchen and bedrooms are almost complete, the bathrooms have been made to sparkle and the living room - well we'll get to that soon. We are each taking on little things that we don't like to so as to please each other - he does the dishes and I cook food that is not really my favorite all the time. The most important thing is that we really do love each other - and I see it more and more every day - especially when things aren't going smoothly.<br />
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So I'll deal with scuba equipment in the living room for a LITTLE while longer and he'll eat some veggies and learn that I'll make a few mistakes when trying to read the french labels. It's what life is all about. Rome wasn't built in a day and this apartment will take some time to get in order. We are apparently a lot more patient than either of us ever thought.<br />
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<br />JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-72163442986485657182012-11-16T09:07:00.002-05:002012-11-16T09:09:35.604-05:00The First Days Are the Hardest DaysWell we made it. My dog and I with the help of a dear friend arrived in St Barth after a long day of traveling and putting once and for all to rest all the things I was having panic attacks about - as it relates to her anyway. I have to give my dog credit - she was a total champ on the plane - not a whimper. Once we got here, she is quickly adapting to a new freedom she never really had. Her mom....well she's trying to learn patience.<br />
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I have been so displaced for so long that I guess part of me was hoping I could get here, unpack, run to the store to pick up a few things and voila I would be settled....not so fast. You see like any move, nothing is going quite as smoothly as I would like it. Plus we do actually still have everyday life to contend with. Despite popular belief we both do work - and work a lot more than I thought we would have to. He's getting his business ready for the busiest time of the year, with a new partner and I actually have two clients both at peak times.<br />
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I have found myself "nagging" more than I would like to admit. It's not that my husband is actually doing anything wrong, its just that I want to be settled, I want crap put away and I want this place to feel like I actually live here. For those of you unaware - there were two single men living here before I got here so there is a bit to do. Before you all go saying be patient - it's only been a couple of days - I am fully aware that I am being completely irrational. That doesn't mean I am going to be happy about it. My husband's patience with me has been exceptional - and he is NOT a patient person. I think he realizes my nagging and frustration isn't really at him (I hope he does anyway) but more about that this is all very new for me.<br />
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While I may not have had the easiest adjustment little miss is adjusting JUST FINE. I was soooo worried she'd hate it, wouldn't listen to Didier, and would be a nervous wreck because let's face it she tends to get nervous. Nope, little miss is seems to be loving life. She loves being off-leash most of the time, she quickly figured out her new routines, and seems to not have a care in the world. She has a playmate and apparently no longer any interest in me when my husband is around. She follows him around like he were a bag of treats. She's a total traitor, and I actually think that is kind of awesome.<br />
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Watching her the last two days seem so at home despite the fact that there is no way she actually could understand why this was all happening put a few things into perspective for me. The stuff will eventually get put away, I can go shopping and buy the things I need, and little by little this will feel more like my home. I moved here for a very good reason. It's a great place to live, my life quality is improved, and I love my husband more every day. Today I shop...tonight my husband sees the output - let's see if he still love me so much :)<br />
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<br />JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-51979756902274353362012-11-09T11:33:00.001-05:002012-11-09T11:37:59.292-05:00Leavin' On a Jet PlaneDon't know when I'll be back again..... Dorky Secret: for years every time got on a plane that song pops into my head, this time when it does it will be more true than it ever has been. Today is my last day here for a while and I am freakishly calm. I mean hey - the last few weeks couldn't have been more eventful - hurricane, massive blackouts, nor'easter..,4 more years, a pot's legal in 2 states, more states embracing equality...found family time, found friend time, found work time.<br />
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All of this time also gave me time to think about the last 16 years and NYC and my time here. So many memories, more good than bad. So many things I took for granted - but what New Yorker doesn't have that list. So I want to use this post to write about the things I will miss most, in no particular order. Some will be obvious some will be silly and others are surprising - even to me.</div>
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<li>Being surrounded my family and friends whenever I need or want to be</li>
<li>Sunday dinners at my parents with fresh mozzarella, foccacia and italian cold cuts</li>
<li>Wine with friends just because we have wine</li>
<li>NYC brunch - there is nothing quite like it </li>
<li>Central Park & Riverside Park with the other dog walkers in the morning</li>
<li>The Boat Basin in spring and summer, Lela Bar for drinks after work, Bin 71 </li>
<li>Delivery services</li>
<li>The NYC skyline</li>
<li>Regular trips out west </li>
<li>Farmer's markets, Whole Foods, and Korean Delis</li>
<li>Changing seasons - Green leaves, colored leaves, buds and snow covered branches</li>
<li>Those perfect fall and spring days - when the temperature is JUST RIGHT</li>
<li>Mexican food, thai food, chinese food....these are things that aren't exactly easy to find there</li>
<li>Hulu, Netflix and guilty TV pleasures</li>
<li>Yankee Stadium</li>
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But so many things I have to look forward to and can't wait to find more things to love about a my new home. I know it won't always be easy and I fully expect to feel homesick from time to time. I am approaching this as a new phase in my life with hope and excitement - which is probably a very good thing. Going forward i expect this blog to be more about Island life, me adjusting, and hopefully someday about having a baby.</div>
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For now, I saw farewell to my first real love NYC. You are and always will be the most amazing city in the world in my eyes. You are the people that live and breath everyday. You are hard and cold and warm and welcoming. I will miss you but never forget you.</div>
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Au revoir.....</div>
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JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-59389209635284381582012-11-05T07:17:00.001-05:002012-11-05T07:17:15.175-05:00A Moment to ThinkSorry for the quiet - it's been an interesting few weeks...<br />
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"How often do we get the gift of time?" That's what one of my friends said this past week. First off, leave it to this particular friend to find the silver lining in all this mess that Sandy left behind. But more importantly - think about it. For those of us lucky enough to have power loss be the worst that happen to us, what did you do with that time. I like many was without power for several days. It wasn't easy but even though I couldn't see the news I had enough resources to hear what they were saying on the radio and was catching what else was going on through Twitter & Facebook.<br />
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Sandy was something I think few of us expected. She was big enough to kill power for over 6 million homes, she wiped out entire communities, she even managed to cancel Halloween AND the NYC Marathon - that #)($%@ Many people I know lost a lot more than their power for a few days, and these are the same people that are out there helping others. You are my heros.<br />
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But Sandy gave me a gift I wasn't expecting during my last few days here, time with my family and time with some friends that I wasn't sure I would get to see. Actual TIME. Time where we had nothing to do but sit around and talk. My family didn't have power or heat - so we spent a few days all curled up around the fireplace. We played games, we talked and we went to bed early. When will I have that opportunity again?<br />
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After four days with no power I finally was able to get someplace with power and got to spend some real quality time with some friends. Everyone was full of stories of now power but no one really complained - knowing how lucky we really were. We got to talk, drink wine, eat - boy did we eat - and just hang out. Most of the area didn't have power, public transportation was tough to find so we just spent time together.<br />
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I leave on Saturday and honestly do not know when I will be returning to the area - at few times a year for certain but I really can't predict at this point. So while she was a major pain in the you know where, she gave me a few extra memories that I wouldn't have had otherwise. So I will take the silver lining and thank her for the gift of time.JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-17626296193193929482012-10-03T06:54:00.002-04:002012-10-12T09:31:21.052-04:00No Such Thing as "Perfect"Jealousy, it's an ugly word. At one point in our lives we all experience it. There are all sorts of things people can be jealous about - material things, lifestyles, etc. There are times I have DEFINITELY been jealous of people I know or have known for a variety of things. The thing is that most of the time people don't come out and admit that they are jealous - they just do or say things that aren't very nice or supportive. A few people have warned me that folks might be jealous of my new life. This news is not surprising but it also does hurt.<br />
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Sometimes that jealousy makes sense on the surface but sometimes it's just what it is - jealously. The reality is that while my new life IS pretty fantastic, no life is perfect. Like many things in this world, what you see on the surface is not what lies beneath. While yes, there may be aspects people are envious of, there are many challenges that come with my current happiness. Yes, I married a man that I am madly in love with and he is madly in love with me. It's all I EVER wanted was real love and I feel lucky to have found it. We had some pretty spectacular celebrations of that love with some of the folks that mean the most to us. And I am moving to paradise and a much easier way of living. On the surface there is a lot to be jealous of, I guess.<br />
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But I wish folks would realize that this didn't just happen and none of it is as easy breezy as it sounds. With the move to paradise I leave behind most of my loved ones and while I love my husband so very very much there is a certain isolation that I feel when I am there, I am still adjusting to that. There is a lot to be said about having family and close friends nearby. I am slowly making friends but with the language issues it's still a challenge. Then there's that adjustment of leaving the city to a an island that has fewer people on it than any NYC zip code.<br />
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There is the change of direction with career - this has also been a HUGE change for me. I am no longer making the money I once was and my level of responsibility has changed. This is huge adjustment for me mentally. I keep saying I will come back and find something - but I really don't know what the future brings. This level of uncertainty is difficult. I also have no guarantees that I will be able to keep up the consulting when I am there. I have faith in myself but being in another country may make it difficult this is a real fear I live with every day.<br />
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And of course we have our separations still. We have been married less than 2 months and have spent more nights apart than together - I can't even describe how difficult this is for us. All I want every day is to be near the man I married and for most of the time we are thousands of miles apart. Then there are other more personal and painful challenges I am not ready to talk about. Those closest to me probably know what I am getting at here. I'll talk about here when I am ready I'm just not yet. Suffice it to say that getting everything you want is not easy or guaranteed.<br />
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I am telling you all this not for sympathy - please that would be ABSURD - but as a reminder that NOTHING is as easy as it seems. For every amazing thing that has happened there are effects that bring significant challenges. Yes I am VERY VERY HAPPY this is true, but by no means is life "perfect." So next time you feel that feeling of jealousy over something or someone - just stop and think for a few seconds that maybe with that joy there are challenges and that person you are jealous of may need your support now more than ever.<br />
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<br />JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-89610094420629724852012-09-28T10:32:00.003-04:002012-09-28T10:32:25.304-04:00Old FriendsWith everything going on in my life over the last year I have admittedly have not had as much "free time" to spend with friends. But a funny thing has happened recently and I have gotten to spend time with a few folks that I have known 25+ years. Some I have stayed in regular contact with but don't get to see as often as we would like due to distance and obligations, others I only really get to keep up with on Facebook and the occasional run-in.<br />
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The one thing that has been universal with all of these interactions is just how easy it's been and how good it feels to be with them. We all have gone in some wildly different directions and are all in different places in our lives. Some are married, some are single, some are divorced. Some have had great success others have had some tragedy. The one thing that's universal is that we shared high school and the years from 14 - 18 where we had A LOT of fun and in many ways shaped who we have become.<br />
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The bonds we shared then and now have us forever connected. Feeling and caring for each other in a way that I think is unique and special. It's not that our adult friendships aren't special - but these friendships are different. We can sit and laugh now at how silly or horrible we were. About the things we did that freak us out a little now. The parties we went to, the relationships that started and stopped at a crazy frequency and with each we thought it was the beginning or end of the world.<br />
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These are the friends that drifted apart but have been brought back together from time to time for reunions, weddings, and sadly funerals. They were the friends that bonded together when we lost some of our own on 9/11. The friends that celebrated each others successes the friends and maybe at times failures. That realize now that some of our behavior back in high school was childish but also realize we were children and it is so far in the past.<br />
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I hope we always stay connected even if we only see each other once or twice a decade. The one thing I do know - that no matter how much time passes, we will always have a true bond and if any of these folks needed something I would be there for them as quick as they would be for me.JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-863249263295053262012-09-24T14:52:00.003-04:002012-09-24T14:54:39.993-04:00My Better HalfYou hear phrases like this all the time: "my better half" "my significant other" " my other half" . I have heard this so much over the years and never really thought about it. As an "independent single woman" I was so confused by these words - I was a whole person and didn't need anyone else, or so I thought. It's funny how over the last year and half this has changed so much in my own mind. I'm not saying you can't be complete without someone - there are many people out there who live very full lives without getting married. What I do know about my personal experience is that now I do feel "more" complete.<br />
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When my husband left here the other day we once again we had a long teary goodbye. I was completely overcome with emotion. It didn't matter that this is going to be a short break, I absolutely HATED saying goodbye to him again. Then I was mad at myself a little at how silly I was being but that "strong independent" girl inside was so confused and annoyed with my emotion and tears.Then I saw a good friend post something about her other half and how being with them makes it all better - she is in a similar long distance relationship so if anyone can relate.... It clicked - part of me WAS getting on a plane and the other part was going back to her parents. It really got me thinking a lot about these sayings. And while I don't think people are "incomplete" without significant others I do know that I feel better when I am near my husband.<br />
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Now that I have found my "missing piece" I have a better understanding of all this. I am happier now than I have ever been and I feel empty and a little depressed when we aren't together. I am lucky enough to have found someone who loves me deeply and unconditionally. Someone who's simple presence makes a lot of the everyday things seem less important. The time apart is HARD and it's harder now that we are married. We made a huge mistake by not spending these weeks together as opposed to mostly apart. We are both much better when we are together. We are better equipped to handle the little things life throws in our direction. I think that's why they refer to it as better half - you are better when you are together and you have each other to support!JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-3584863606742206612012-09-18T11:11:00.002-04:002012-09-18T13:14:29.637-04:00Just a HUGE THANK YOUWow, that's pretty much all I can say. We did it - twice and if we thought St Barth was perfect for its intimacy then New York was perfect for the details. It was a LOT of work to get there but in the end, I couldn't be happier with the results. Surrounded by most of the significant people in my life, we got to celebrate the night away. There were some very important people who for various good reason were unable to be there and were missed but we still felt their presence and support and that is what matters.<br />
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We continue to sit in amazement at how lucky we are. I want to take a moment to thank some folks that were the "behind the scenes" working on so many of the details that made the night so special. First to the folks at Abigail Kirsch for the food and the overall organization of the night. To Scratch DJs an specifically DJ Vida who had everyone's feet hurting the next morning - always a good sign. The Glass Houses that provided the most incredibly backdrop of the NYC and NJ skylines and one of the most spectacular sunsets I have ever seen. To Angelo Lambrou who created the PERFECT dress for me - you are a GENIUS. To my uncle who made sure that some of the men looked sharp. To Renny & Reed who's flowers were elegant and a perfect reflection.To Lela Edgar who's photographic genius captured the evening. To Corey for the taking the video and getting it in a format that we will always have. Finally, to my dear friend Masha who created a beautiful memory for us with that slideshow and helped with so many of the little details - words can not express our gratitude. If anyone reading this needs any of these services - ask me how to contact these people because they were all amazing!!!!<br />
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My father made the most beautiful toast and we will cherish that speech always. Our friend David told our story from his point of view and got everyone to laugh and gave me a little insight to what was happening when we weren't together. By the time I was supposed to speak I was already so overwhelmed there was little to say other than THANK YOU!<br />
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All of these details helped us celebrate and get to enjoy this time together. There were so many little things that were done for reasons other than "it's really pretty." We really wanted to celebrate "us" and get my NYC friends and Family a little taste of St Barth. The colors were a reflection of the place we met, the location was to view where I was from, the food included some of our favorite things, the music was meant to show off who we are. We named the tables after some of significant spots for us - yes they were all in St Barth but we wanted to bring that to NYC. My focus was that is was a reflection of us - I hope we came through, I think we did.<br />
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But really the evening was so great because of the people that were there. You all play a very important part of my life and now our lives. Some of you traveled very far to be there - that means the world to us. Others had pregnant bellies and or kids at home which I know makes it tough to get away. Even for those of you thatOur journey to this point was made possible mostly by the love and support we got during our journey - and maybe a little patience than either of. You were the shoulders I leaned on when the days apart became unbearable, you were the ears that listened when I questioned myself, you were the voices of encouragement when I made some of the toughest decisions in my life to get here. In no way is this journey done - it's just now beginning. I sincerely hope that some day every single one of the people that were there (and the ones that couldn't) come to visit to see where we fell in love and our new home!<br />
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<br />JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-40862840457471014542012-09-11T14:44:00.005-04:002012-09-11T14:44:59.347-04:00I RememberIt's been 11 years and its yet so very very fresh. This day has always been a reminder of how lucky I was that day and how amazing New Yorkers are. I miss living in the city but I will always be a New Yorker. This day always brings with it such a rush of emotions because I remember it all.<br />
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I remember waking up getting ready for an early meeting, the meeting was cancelled at the 11th hour so instead of heading all the way downtown I went to the office.<br />
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I remember the crisp air and perfect sky and thinking how beautiful the city looked.<br />
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I remember being on the phone with my and my brother calling 5 or 6 times before I answered assuming he was calling about Yankee tickets he was supposed to pick up later<br />
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I remember him yelling at me for not answering sooner, I remember being annoyed then I remember all he could say was "they did it on purpose."<br />
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I remember not knowing what he was talking about and then we turned on the TV<br />
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I remember getting in a cab and going home<br />
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I remember the there was no meter that day we just listened in silence as the towers fell, i didn't know any of the people that got in that cab with me<br />
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I remember the calls from some amazing friends on the west coast to make sure I was OK<br />
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I remember waiting for word from my roommate that she was ok<br />
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I remember seeing her walk in the door and knew that what she had witnessed she would never forget<br />
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I remember frantically dialing people and getting everyone accounted for<br />
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I remember walking through the park and getting my friend Doug on the phone - he was safe.<br />
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I remember picking up my cousin from school and looking around and children were waiting news of parents who worked there<br />
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I remember just sitting in front of the TV in shock<br />
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I remember around 9pm thinking everyone had been accounted for and feeling so happy that my friends were ok, Feeling guilty knowing so many people weren't<br />
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I remember the phone ringing late and the voice on the other end and knew instantly that the tragedy hit people I care about and not knowing what to say<br />
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I remember waiting for news for days, news that we knew wasn't coming but still hoped<br />
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I remember seeing my old friend and thinking how silly we had been and without a word we hugged and it was the past, this is what mattered now<br />
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I remember how we came together to celebrate lives cut way too short<br />
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I remember how the city and the country changed forever<br />
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I remember the smell of smoke for days<br />
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I remember the first time I drove up the turnpike and didn't see those towers sparkle in the skyline<br />
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I remember it all so very clearly<br />
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Like many of you I will NEVER EVER forget that day or the friends I lost or their families as they relieve it. I will never forget that day or the weeks following and how we all came together. How strangers helped each other. I was then and still am proud to be a New Yorker even if my address has changed.<br />
<br />JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-49701813730213320892012-09-04T09:22:00.000-04:002012-09-04T09:40:14.526-04:00Advice Too Good Not to ShareOver the years I have received a lot of advice - on everything from which shoes to wear with that dress to how save money for a "rainy day." I also started receiving and actually listening to marriage advice many years ago. Now that I am married I thought it would be fun to share some of the advice and "tips" I have received. Some are down right funny, some made me think, and some provoked more questions.<br />
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Would love to hear your thoughts on some of these. Please note - I may or may not agree with all this advice but it all gave me something to think about.</div>
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"Be patient, be respectful, and remember you aren't just you anymore"</div>
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"We never fell out of love at the same time"</div>
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"Work at it, it won't always be easy. Marriage is not easy it's hard work, too many young people give up too easily."</div>
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"Men have pride, women have strength - remember to never hurt his pride."<br />
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"Focus on the family, our family keeps our marriage strong"</div>
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"Keep it spicy"<br />
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"Communicate about everything"<br />
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"Find your routines and your roles, then break them every once in a while"<br />
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"Have a baby"<br />
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"Communicate don't talk"<br />
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"Support each other but challenge each other if something is wrong, then work at it together."<br />
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""Don't try and change each other but try and appreciate your differences and find middle ground"<br />
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"Compromise but don't always give in"<br />
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"Put each other first, not your parents or anyone else - you are each other's priorities."<br />
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"Be a soft and loving wife, support him."<br />
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"Say I love you, a lot."<br />
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And my personal favorite courtesy of my great aunts who also supplied a few of the ones above ""Don't be scared on your wedding night, it gets better" (ok that one was from a 95 year old aunt - it was followed with) "Oh i think they have done that"<br />
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Ok so what are your favorites? Do you have tidbits to add? Would love to hear your thoughts on this.</div>
JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-60389943009576911962012-08-27T16:37:00.001-04:002012-08-28T08:36:32.044-04:00Do You Feel Different?The last 10 days or so have been surreal. The time with our family and friends and the actual wedding celebration were amazing and there is nothing I would change. Well almost nothing. I was asked a few times the night of the wedding if I felt different, and immediately I didn't. I mean yes, for a few days I received more attention that I probably ever had in my lifetime but other than that I didn't immediately feel different.<br />
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However, when friends and family left and it was "back to normal" how I felt was anything but, I did start to feel different, we feel different. In a good way - we were suddenly stronger, a unit not two individuals. There are little things that I have noticed have changed in each of us, on how we are towards each other, how we deal when we are frustrated, and how we are connecting on a day to day basis. It's something I didn't quite expect, no one had ever shared that they felt different after the wedding. Suddenly, I have a new number 1 priority and it's our marriage and everything that comes with that and it feel GOOD.<br />
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As someone who wasn't exactly a winner in the relationship department, I was really surprised how different I felt. But what is the most surprising thing is that we are both feeling it. Closer, stronger, tighter - we knew we were in love but this feeling of being a singular unit is something I don't think either of us were expecting.<br />
If I have one regret, it's not taking more time for us immediately after the wedding so we could enjoy this new feeling together a little bit more. I now know why people take honeymoon's right away - to get to know this new couple. Newlywed couples should have a little time alone to enjoy each other and to unwind from the stress and excitement of getting ready for a wedding. Whether you realize it or not, the relationship is now different - and it's important to enjoy that fact.<br />
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Then there are the other more obvious ways of feeling different - I have new last name, a new address, and we have new plans that 18 months ago neither of us probably would have ever thought possible. So yes, I feel very different and its a very good different. I now have a permanent rock to stand by - for as long as we both shall live - and it's the most wonderful feeling in the world.<br />
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<br />JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-45846337044257703302012-08-22T09:37:00.003-04:002012-08-22T09:38:03.551-04:00Absolute PerfectionAll I can say after the last few days is perfection. We worked so very hard to get here from the very beginning and when all is said and done our wedding was more than I could have dreamed for. After all the fights with the paperwork and the many weeks apart that felt like years I am finally Madame Morvan and one of the most blessed people on earth.<br />
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The weekend kicked off with the arrival of my friends & family on Thursday. When their boat pulled up I think I flew into it - and I am not so good at hopping on boats. After lots of hugging laughing and screeching we all had a wonderful dinner at the place we met. This was the first time many of these people met and it was fun to see the new interactions. One thing is for sure - we have surrounded ourselves with a lot of amazing people. The speeches were all very touching and we are still overwhelmed.<br />
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The wedding day started pretty typical - primping with my girls present then a little champagne as we put the final touches together. Seeing my dad see me in my dress was something I won't forget - you know that commercial where the dad is giving the keys to his teenage daughter but all he sees is a little girl - that was the look and it was touching. I was definitely missing a few people but between my accessories, shoes, and flowers they were there and close to my heart.<br />
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I was freakishly calm though. I mean I waited for this day for 40 years - but I was still really calm inside. One of my favorite moments came early though - when my dad and i turned the corner and into the room and I saw Didier's emotions on his face - that's the second image I have. The ceremony was beautiful in both French and English - I think even the officer who helped with our paperwork was a little moved by it all.<br />
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We then toasted on Shell Beach - which is where I fell in love with him the second time I came to St Barth. Followed by the perfect party at a villa my family rented for the weekend. The party was something truly special. It was small and intimate but still a BLAST! People from all parts of our lives were there and everyone mingled and got along extremely well. It ended with everyone in the pool - kicked off by my new stepson and another friend of ours.<br />
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There are many many pictures and memories that we will cherish forever. I need to take a moment to thank everyone who supported us especially my parents who have been going above and beyond to make this day special, to my new family that flew from France, to everyone that came from NY, our friends here is St Barth and most of all to my HUSBAND who gave me the greatest gift I could have asked for - his heart. Je t'aime.<br />
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<br />JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-29089115328126355612012-08-15T10:56:00.004-04:002012-08-15T10:56:56.291-04:00What Was I Thinking?This is something that keeps going through my mind. Not about getting married but not making sure I had at least one of my "peeps" here. One of the things I suck at the most is asking for help. A word to any friends planning to get married far from where your close friends and family live - make sure you have a few people there in the approaching days to help - and I am not talking about just the groom. There are so many things I didn't think about when planning this - the biggest was my ability to completely lose my mind at a moments notice and that I might need a little support. By the way - it's not like I didn't have offers, I did, this is 1000% my fault I was under the delusion that because everything was essentially done, I didn't need real help. I didn't think about needing girl support.<br />
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I am still very new to this island and my French, well let's just say I'm not having a ton of success there, YET. There are several things that I need to take care of that are not things i want my fiance to help with. Like the right place to get my hair done or where to get a mani & pedi stuff and of course to join me on some shopping (he really hates shopping). An example where this almost all bit me in the butt is the hair appointment. The lovely woman at shop understood my broken French to say 2pm and I meant 12pm for the appointment, it got resolved but I still had a mini mental breakdown over it and having one of my friends here present to remind me that it's not a big deal in person would have made it easier. But fear not, my hair will be properly tamed thanks to some very understanding woman who agreed to give me her appointment so I wouldn't scare my future husband away on our wedding day.<br />
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Then there is my current living situation. First let me be clear - I love all of these guys. But a bride needs some girls around her in her final hours of singleton and right now it's me and four guys. They are doing their best to understand my wacky ways and pretty sure they realize that look on my face is related to stress. But let's face it one women and four men - yeah, i could have really used some girl-power. They are helping with the things they can - music, food, general errands (definitely going to take advantage of their offers). But I definitely feel a huge void of not having a girlfriend here to talk to, to reassure me that it will be fine, To go get the mani/pedi with or help me with actual shopping - it's just different having your girls around and I am an IDIOT for not having them here.<br />
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There is a happy ending here - my girls arrive tomorrow along with my family - even though I initially told them to save the money and just celebrate in NY. Thank Goodness they are all smarter than I am because I would have really regretted NOT having them here in a very very big way. Yep, I know I'M A BIG FAT DUMMY (i think we have that well established).<br />
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The first thing I am going to do when everyone gets off that boat tomorrow is give them each the biggest hug I ever have because they are here when I actually will REALLY need them and because they are always there when I need them - even if I act like a dummy from time to time.<br />
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<br />JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-23271165256603716662012-08-13T12:54:00.003-04:002012-08-13T12:54:56.666-04:00Are You Nervous?That seems to be the number one question I have been asked over the last few weeks. I keep saying "no" because I'm not nervous about marrying Didier - I know how much we love each other and how committed we both are to this relationship. We have had all the "hard" talks, we have the blessings of our families. So no, I am not nervous about marrying him. As far as the life-change well hey, life can't change for me much more than it already has - so no, not nervous about that either - already had that breakdown, survived, next. We know it's not going to be easy - but getting here wasn't easy and we did it. So no I am not nervous about getting married.<br />
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I AM nervous though. I'm worried about everything else and it's frustrating. At the end of the day the most important thing is that we get married and the other stuff shouldn't matter, but it does. We have family and friends here that have gone through great lengths to celebrate with us and we want them to enjoy themselves. I'm nervous how this motley crew will all get along. I'm nervous that things will go wrong. Our roommate was teasing me yesterday by playing "Under Pressure" as a tribute to the final countdown - while I pretended to not be amused I was. Because i realized that no matter what, things can go wrong and I need to just let go.<br />
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Now having been in many weddings over the years, I know that something always goes wrong and the best thing to do is let it go. We had our first major wrinkle thrown at us on Friday - you guessed it, it's related to paperwork... yep, without getting into details, we had to make alternate transportation for 7 family and friends to get here. Ok, no big deal, a couple of calls and a little cash and its done. It's not a surprise that it has to do with paperwork - nope not even a tiny little bit.<br />
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But now I am nervous that since that was so easily fixable something else will go wrong. My biggest fear is flight cancellations and weather. But again nothing I can do - but maybe say a little prayer, keep the fingers and toes crossed and hope that it goes well. I'm also nervous about some of the other details. Did we get everything done? Did we miss something important?<br />
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At this point all I can do is sit and wait and hope. So am I nervous yes. But not the way most people think. I'm nervous about the stuff that won't matter 10 years from now - heck I know some brides that have great stories because of things that went wrong - fires, rainstorms, dresses falling apart.....stuff like that can happen and there is nothing I can do about it. So as long as we get married and we have some family and friends to celebrate with, then my nerves were unnecessary but unavoidable.<br />
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<br />JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-66699936203600848412012-08-09T08:24:00.000-04:002012-08-09T08:24:02.040-04:00It's the Little ThingsIt's always been the little things for me. I never really cared much for the grand gesture - they seem so forced and not so genuine. I have personally never been impressed with big gestures like sending flowers or giving me fancy gifts - that stuff is all material. Now don't get me wrong - thoughtful gifts and flowers on occasion or for no reason are much appreciated -but isn't showing someone how you feel by something thoughtful better? It takes a lot more effort to be thoughtful than it does to just go buy something.<br />
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How did you get ESPN? My fiance asked someone this the one day and to me it was one of the sweetest things he could have done. He's been reading the blog and we talk a lot and he knows that this change is huge for me. So by asking that question he was trying to get me something he knows I really miss. You always here people say don't sweat the small stuff, but what about appreciating the small stuff? When was the last time you thanked someone for doing something small but incredibly thoughtful?<br />
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Think about it, its the small stuff that makes up everyday life - and if you aren't doing and appreciating them now, you probably won't later. It's incredibly important not only to do the little thing but to say thank you for them. I have never been good at relationships - I picked the wrong guys or got bored very quickly. This one is different for more reasons than I can list here. The biggest difference though is the little things he does that show me he loves me.<br />
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Now as we approach the "big day" with all the craziness and everything we have to do - family coming in, finalizing details oh and of course we are both extremely busy with work it's hard and seemed to be taking its toll. We hadn't had any time alone, I hadn't been feeling well and neither of us had been sleeping. So last night, we went out to eat just the two of us. It was alone time I desperately needed with him - to have a relaxing conversation about what had to yet be done and to just spend some time where the only thing we had to focus on was each other. And I was reminded again of the many many reason I feel so lucky to have him in my life.JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3150949271051555297.post-78604316881654681052012-08-06T08:26:00.000-04:002012-08-06T08:26:02.145-04:00Cooperating Instead of CompetingOne thing I am living more and more each day is that people are nicer here. I don't mean more polite, I mean nicer in every aspect of life. I'm not sure what it is exactly, but everyone seems to always want to help each other here - not just in moments of crisis but all the time. That doesn't just mean helping a woman with groceries or be considerate of your neighbors. It means actually sacrificing something for someone else, even their competition.<br />
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Let me explain....my fiance is bringing a partner in who happens to be his closest friend and our roommate, David. David worked previously for the largest dive center on the island and from what I can gather is very very good at his job. But it's competitive, there are only so many people that want to dive and there are actually quite a few options on the Island so every client counts. It's pretty obvious David's previous shop has had some difficulty since he left and there was a void. When David got back from his vacation he was set to start working with La Bulle and the timing was really perfect because we need the extra body in August since we are getting married in just a few weeks.<br />
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What happened next is what is surprising to me - David's old boss was in a bad situation he had no help and his boat needs two people on it so he asked if David could stay on for a few more weeks. At the same time, his boss is going on his own vacation and is forwarding all inquiries directly to David and Didier while he's gone. Now David's old boss has to know there are clients that will follow David anyway but there seems to be absolutely no ill will there, NONE. When they were explaining this all to me I was very confused - it didn't make any sense, yet.<br />
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For my friends in the digital space - it would be akin to Google asking permission for Marissa Mayer to stay on a few more weeks so they could transition and then send some business Yahoo's way once she heads over there because they just couldn't handle it. Ok, that's a little extreme but you get my point.<br />
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For anyone in sales - it's tough out there and it's our job to kill, bury, obliterate, destroy etc... the "competition." That's what you are taught and that's the language that gets thrown around. The funny thing is we know that someday that competitor we trashed may end up owning us or worse - we'll go work for them and have to answer the question from a client "but you said they couldn't do that or?". Here the philosophy seems very different - you help the competition because you really don't want anything bad to happen to anyone - it becomes personal. See my point? It's different but it certainly doesn't suck. In this situation, the competitors are working together to reach a solution that works for everyone. In the end both companies will benefit from this and probably be in better shape.<br />
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This isn't the only place I have seen it - I have been sent to different shops when I couldn't find what I was looking for and even had a hotel recommend I use a villa company instead of them for my family when they are coming in a few weeks. I tell you this story because it's part of me learning how to live here. I need to check my thinking at the door (or in the case at the port). It's a more civilized and frankly better way of being. Look, I am a competitive person by nature or I would not have chosen sales for a profession, but there is a lot to be said about stepping in an helping someone when they need it. You never know when you will as well. And I don't just mean carrying the groceries.<br />
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<br />JoJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15303686670002841860noreply@blogger.com0