Jealousy, it's an ugly word. At one point in our lives we all experience it. There are all sorts of things people can be jealous about - material things, lifestyles, etc. There are times I have DEFINITELY been jealous of people I know or have known for a variety of things. The thing is that most of the time people don't come out and admit that they are jealous - they just do or say things that aren't very nice or supportive. A few people have warned me that folks might be jealous of my new life. This news is not surprising but it also does hurt.
Sometimes that jealousy makes sense on the surface but sometimes it's just what it is - jealously. The reality is that while my new life IS pretty fantastic, no life is perfect. Like many things in this world, what you see on the surface is not what lies beneath. While yes, there may be aspects people are envious of, there are many challenges that come with my current happiness. Yes, I married a man that I am madly in love with and he is madly in love with me. It's all I EVER wanted was real love and I feel lucky to have found it. We had some pretty spectacular celebrations of that love with some of the folks that mean the most to us. And I am moving to paradise and a much easier way of living. On the surface there is a lot to be jealous of, I guess.
But I wish folks would realize that this didn't just happen and none of it is as easy breezy as it sounds. With the move to paradise I leave behind most of my loved ones and while I love my husband so very very much there is a certain isolation that I feel when I am there, I am still adjusting to that. There is a lot to be said about having family and close friends nearby. I am slowly making friends but with the language issues it's still a challenge. Then there's that adjustment of leaving the city to a an island that has fewer people on it than any NYC zip code.
There is the change of direction with career - this has also been a HUGE change for me. I am no longer making the money I once was and my level of responsibility has changed. This is huge adjustment for me mentally. I keep saying I will come back and find something - but I really don't know what the future brings. This level of uncertainty is difficult. I also have no guarantees that I will be able to keep up the consulting when I am there. I have faith in myself but being in another country may make it difficult this is a real fear I live with every day.
And of course we have our separations still. We have been married less than 2 months and have spent more nights apart than together - I can't even describe how difficult this is for us. All I want every day is to be near the man I married and for most of the time we are thousands of miles apart. Then there are other more personal and painful challenges I am not ready to talk about. Those closest to me probably know what I am getting at here. I'll talk about here when I am ready I'm just not yet. Suffice it to say that getting everything you want is not easy or guaranteed.
I am telling you all this not for sympathy - please that would be ABSURD - but as a reminder that NOTHING is as easy as it seems. For every amazing thing that has happened there are effects that bring significant challenges. Yes I am VERY VERY HAPPY this is true, but by no means is life "perfect." So next time you feel that feeling of jealousy over something or someone - just stop and think for a few seconds that maybe with that joy there are challenges and that person you are jealous of may need your support now more than ever.