Friday, July 6, 2012

What's is Brave?

So my little blog project about this whole transition - which has been both personal but also professional has brought me more comments and emails than I could have hoped and the feedback has actually been quite surprising. I have heard from people from every stage of my life and in almost every single capacity. The feedback that surprises me most is when people use words like "brave." Because in general, I never thought of myself as particularly brave and I still don't.

I must admit, this last year or so, I made some difficult as well as odd (to some) choices. To some the change may have seemed sudden, but in reality they were anything but.  They were not entirely blind leaps of faith or sudden decisions. Each and every decision I have made I have made based on either past life experience or a certain need of fulfillment or in many cases, both. I point this out because a 25 year old me would have NEVER EVER gone in this direction. It's because I lived through similar situations in the past and just when you thought there was no light and you went in the other direction - it was different than what you expected.

I know I may be getting a little philosophical with that but really - my decision to leave my last job was a personal one, it had nothing to do with the people or the particular  company, it was that I personally, was tired and needed a break from that whole world. Then I met this guy, then my next birthday - you know the big four - zero - was just around the corner. So maybe, I wanted a break for me and it happened to coincide with meeting this amazing person who taught me to appreciate certain things just a little bit more (talking a green I wish we practiced back in NY).

What happened next was a series of extreme highs and lows - the job i took, the gigs i work on now, getting engaged, leaving my apartment, moving to a strange place. And they are all inter-related, in many ways. I took a job that gave me the freedom to work remote - very remote - 1 week a month. What happened next was truly incredible and not in a good way but for many reasons chose not to discuss as this time. Then all of a sudden, a few small consulting gigs are presented..and now I really, really like what I am doing. I get to do a little bit of 3 of my favorite parts of past jobs but independently. So for each client i have a very specific a defined focus, it's kind of perfect for me. So again, I chose a path where I still feel challenged but not suffocated, which at this stage of my life was important.

So for everyone that thinks what I did was "brave" I still don't but I appreciate the comments. At each of those moments where I had to make a decision, I made the only logical decision as apparent to me at that moment. In most cases, it turned out better than I could have hoped. I guess my point is - I appreciate those of you that think this is brave, but to me, the decisions have actually been more logical than emotional, and very well thought out. I think over the next few weeks you will all start to learn a little more about the history behind some of my decisions that stretch back years and years in some cases.

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